This is kinda some intermediate education around threesomes. Let’s assume you have been to the grown folk erotic rodeo a few times.
You’re not a stranger to the danger of throwing your fear into the fire of hesitation and sacrificing your self-doubt to the gods of awesomeness. You’re okay with jumping into a pool of beautiful opportunity as it swirls around your naked ankles and the tide of a dreamy night begins rising around your waist and genital regions.
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You’re ready to strap up and shoot orgasmic passion into the writhing pile of bodies in front of you. Yes! But… what if you’re met by someone or something that is completely out of your range of experience? What if you discover something in Three-some-land that is totally above and beyond your zone of comprehension, but not necessarily your comfort?
What do you do when, instead of winning a thousand sex dollars, you end up winning a HUNDRED thousand sex dollars?
Suggestion: stay silent. Observe first. And don’t make up excuses to yourself or anyone else as to why you can’t continue exploring the joytastic magic at hand!
(Unless you really don’t want to stay, in which case, as always, you are free to get up and leave. Gracefully bowing out is always an option in every situation.)
But, if you decide to stay, I think you’re making the right choice, and I’m happy you’re still here!
Now… what do you do when you are dealing with a SUPER professional extra-sexual person/people, and you’re not sure what you are able to do? Start slow and small. Simple touches and kisses and hugs are always the first move.
Ain’t no need to go from Hello Darling to Hardcore Drilling in one minute, yo! Just because the option is technically there, it doesn’t mean you should take it. And just like the option to leave at any time: if you WANT TO go from Hello Baby to Humongous Booty-Smashing in a few breaths, then prepare yourself to do so, and follow suit accordingly!
But there are consequences to rushing headfirst into anything in life, and sex is probably the most obvious of these realms. It’s also the place we want to visit faster than a fucking trip to Hawaii, for the most part and most of the damn time. It takes like 15 hours to get to Hawaii! A threesome is always a bed and a couple friends away, and sometimes not even as far as a bed is! (Shoutout to the threesome that happened on the TTC streetcar on King St. a few years ago, ha ha. You three were some inspiring folks.) Anyways, I digress.
Being in a threesome with people who have done more threesomes than you, or have sexual body parts that may intimidate you, or want to do much more in the threesome than you do is not really a big deal… unless your mind makes it one. And THAT’S what is the thing to focus on NOT having happen, more than any other mismatching issues or factors.
You may want to only kiss the woman’s breasts, lick a man’s nipple, or have a wee bit of an anal tonguing and that’s it for the night, while the others want to fuck each other’s brains out until the sun rises and Starbucks opens.
There’s no need to not want to join a threesome or stay in one because the others are on different desire levels. It simply has to be respected, negotiated and navigated. Respect means hearing it. Negotiation means deciding what you will do with what you hear. And navigating it means doing what you decide you want to do with what you have heard. This applies to every sexual encounter you may have.
I was invited into a threesome last night, and the guy was as fucking hugely muscular as a CFL linebacker, with a dick that was about 8 inches long, limp. I was like HOLY SHIT, you’re NO JOKE. He was pornographically sport-fucking a double-D breasted Latina goddess… and looked at me, then said: “You want to fuck her, dawg?”
And… I honestly couldn’t confess to NOT wanting to fuck her, even though they were totally on an energetic and communication level that was not where my mind was at. But… I didn’t say so. I just did the best I could!! She got me ready to love her after he needed a break from wild-fucking her, and I gave her myself. It was totally a different connection, and he watched with curiosity as I continued the threesome in a unique way… then… he returned, and finished himself off. They both thanked me, and I thanked them both too. It was SOMETHING.
Better to keep your doubts silent and see what your body can create, than to think yourself out of another threesome experience!
In love’s amazement,
Addi Stewart
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