Some folks have a hard and fast rule—no sex with the ex. All the better for avoiding complications that way.
Others play a different way. You already know you work well together sexually and you trust each other, so just because you weren’t compatible in other arenas doesn’t mean you can’t be lovers.
I think there are great arguments to be made for every side of this story, and I think ultimately it boils down to each situation being unique.
Here are some things to consider about a threesome with an ex-girlfriend.
DON’T call her for a threesome if she’s made it clear she isn’t interested.
My girlfriend had great hookups with an ex from college, revisiting their lusty chemistry on and off for years. She isn’t into threeways because she isn’t into women, and it does nothing for her. So when he kept pestering her to fulfill a fantasy, she told him to find a real girlfriend and stopped seeing him.
Respect a woman’s preferences and consent—period.
DO think about the impact an old girlfriend could have on the new.
If you’re calling an ex to join you with a current girlfriend, things can get tricky. It’s natural for women to compare each other and get territorial, even if they are open minded. Your current girlfriend might get insecure about her body, her smaller breasts, etc, or might take vindictive delight in your ex’s cellulite or cankles, and now you suddenly see a side of someone you didn’t want to.
You might have an adventurous dynamic where the tension is part of the draw for her, but if you’re just looking for a comfy set up for you, make an effort to find a third who is new to both of you.
DON’T go there if your ex still has feelings for you.
Ask yourself if part of the draw for you is that you get off on the fact she never lost her flame for you. It’s amazing for our ego to know there are hot babes out there burning for us, but drawing her into a sexual liaison if she was never able to get over you isn’t nice.
Give her the time she needs, and don’t send mixed signals by asking her to hook up.
DO ask what her motivations might be.
If she’s the one who contacted you about a threeway with her hot new girlfriend, it can sound like a wet dream come true. And maybe it is.
But it’s worth asking what she wants. Maybe it’s not sex. Does she wants revenge for something? Does she want to impress her new partner, or manipulate them in some way? Why wouldn’t they find a new guy?
Maybe you have great sex with your ex and know her man has been dying to watch someone nail her, and you will be more than happy to oblige. Great. But it doesn’t hurt to think things through.
Tell us what you think