What to Do when She Wants a Threesome… and You Don’t

We often see a guy asking his girlfriend to indulge his fantasy of seeing her in bed with another man or bringing another lady on board that they can both enjoy. And we often see the woman turning him down. She might insist that she should be enough for him, or explain that she doesn’t want to open the possibilities of emotional fallout. Maybe she relates best to one person at a time while naked.

But sometimes the tables are turned. What if your girlfriend wants a threesome, and you don’t?

Yes, it happens. You might feel there’s no man in his right mind who wouldn’t jump on board, but when the time comes, you could feel differently.

Maybe you aren’t attracted to the woman she’s lusting after. Maybe the hot fantasy of seeing her banging the bus driver falls flat when faced with real life. Or maybe your relationship is rocky right now, and you don’t think sleeping with someone else—even together—is the right cure.

There are many reasons why your desires could be mismatched. So what’s a guy to do?

What to Do when Only She Wants a Threesome

Find out what’s missing, and provide it.

Asking for a threesome doesn’t mean she’s dissatisfied—quite possibly it means she feels ultra secure with you, enough to bring her fantasies to life.

In case her request reflects a sadder state of affairs, it doesn’t hurt to assess whether your sex life has become predictable, boring, or routine.

See if introducing other kinks like role play, BDSM, or just dirty talking about your fantasies can bring things back to life if so.

Give her more attention.

Maybe she’s trying to get your attention because she doesn’t have it, or trying to find attention elsewhere.

Again, I’m hesitant to pathologize a common request and normal fantasy. More often than not, women’s desire is simply that—desire.

But sex has many sides and fulfills many needs, and sometimes it’s a weapon or a Rorschach ink blot, with something to unravel inside it. If she feels intimacy is lacking or feels neglected, this might be a way to get your attention.

Let her take the reins for a change.

Examine your response. Would you be interested in a threesome if YOU brought it up? I’m going to guess… yes, more than likely.

Your sudden lack of desire to hop into bed with two is quite possibly a reflexive response because the threeway was her idea. You might feel threatened or wonder if you’re still enough for her, or worry that she has too many feelings for another guy or gal. Welcome to the world of fears she might experience when faced with your fantasies.

If you can see this for what it is, it’s worth being honest with her. By sharing your feelings, you can create a deeper bond of trust, and decide together if you can move forward with her fantasy after all.

Have you been in this situation before? Please share your experience in the comments!