I have never written a word of exaggeration or fabrication on this blog, I swear on my very active penis and testicles, ha ha! I’m THAT serious about telling the truth about polyamory and sex, integrity and intimacy. But this upcoming lesson might be the most bizarre, incredulous and nearly unbelievable story that I have ever written about, to the point that you might not WANT it to be true! But sadly, it is, my dear friend. So please buckle up before we reach our destination lesson!
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So yeah, I’m at Oasis in the heated pool on a beautiful summer evening, chillin’, enjoying life, and just happily swimming with a porn star—an extremely popular Canadian porn star who I had just filmed a magnificent sex scene with in the very same pool a half hour earlier.
Life was marvelous and glorious. We both had been feeling very randy and frisky all day, making sweet passionate love three times in various locations in the sex club. Goodness gracious it was a healthy day. So, lo and behold, the heavenly urge came over us both again, and as beautiful and attracted people are wont to do, we decided to do it AGAIN! Oooh baby, I couldn’t have been more overjoyed… and it showed.
I am behind this voluptuous goddess, in active coitus, erect and inserted amazingly into this angel… thrusting, thrusting, thrusting… fucking quite impressively in the middle of the pool, with me entering her from behind, and holding her arms and shoulders as I kiss her neck… and keep fucking her.
As anyone with two working eyes would clearly be able to see, we were busy! But maybe using their eyeballs is a skill that some male creatures don’t do so well. And I received some hard evidence of the sad state of things when, in the very middle of me and this woman fucking in the pool with waves of water rippling outwards from us (as maybe the most visible proof in existence that people were doing the horizontal mambo vertically) a male individual slowly floated towards both of us—as we were still fucking—and said to my lady friend who I was RIGHT NOW making love with, I shit you not: “Can you have sex with me if you are doing nothing?”
We both looked at him, as we were still fucking, mind you, and she replied, “I. AM. BUSY.” And I didn’t let it slow me down a moment, oh lordy sweet jesus, no. I kept going the whole time. But we were both far beyond flabbergasted to have someone be SO selfish with their head stuck so far up their own ass, they couldn’t see a woman having sex without attempting to automatically take some. The audacity!
4 Tips for Making a Threesome Hookup Happen
1. STOP, LOOK and LISTEN before you make a move! Err on the side of CAUTION—aka restraint. It’s not a rush to score, and if it is for you, then hey, I can’t be responsible for the results. You have your whole damn. life to have sexual adventures. I think it’s more healthy to miss out being with a sex partner you really like, than it is to force a sexual situation that turns out to be regretful. Choose your approaches wisely! Patience plus persistence is the key to success for me.
2. Wait for a response. Wait for a response. Psssst. Hey, guess what? I’m suggesting firmly that you WAIT for a response! And that could be any number of things, from a special smile, to sustained eye contact, to certain body language… and definitely openness and open invitations. Approaching everyone cold is just an ass-better’s approach, gambling on the luck of whatever instead of seeing who would want you to join their sexual situation already in progress, or what kind of people are looking for a third at some point in their playtime to seek your servicing. It could be you, if you play your cards right.
3. Think before you act. If you DO just cold-approach and swing for the bleachers, do it with some if not all of these attributes: tact, class, warmth, wit, confidence, charm, honor, truth, and maybe most important of all—respect. ESPECIALLY if you are a man approaching a woman. Straight up and down and all the way around the world. And understand your attractive qualities, needs, quirks, issues, and assets so you can connect to the type of partner you seek by using basic logic and observation skills to help make the magic happen, instead of just going all John Rando.
4. Don’t interrupt people fucking. If you know them intimately and even then, do you really HAVE to? And are you talking to them.. while they are fucking? Or are you going to politely request you join the fucking, or something of that nature? Don’t force anything. Ask when there is the appropriate empty and calm time and space. And see how everyone feels. Et voila! Or not. Tomorrow is another day. Hell, who knows what the fuck could happen two hours from now!
Oh welp. That’s the last of today’s four (of endless) lessons on making better threesomes happen: Don’t interrupt people fucking!
Love,
Addi Stewart
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