Real Threesome Disasters to Avoid

Before you embark on another threesome (or maybe your first!) check out these real-life threesome stories that didn’t end so well.

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She Ran Off with Him

“I begged my girlfriend for years to have a threesome. She was scared that it would change our intimacy and our emotions. I just wanted to see her getting banged. Well, I got to see it. It was hot, I came, and she fell in love with him. Now I’m alone.”

A woman’s intuitive resistance to a threesome is usually along the lines of you starting a fire with another woman. You might find the other gal more attractive, or even worse, fall in love with her.

This is a risk that people take in group sex or open-door relationships, but I believe it’s a risk all people take. Someone can fall in lust or in love with another person anytime, in any situation.

It hurts, but if it’s any consolation, at least it went out with a bang.

I Couldn’t Get It Up

“We both wanted to have a threesome. I was finally with a woman who wanted the same kinky, adventurous sex I wanted. We tried everything. When she shared her orgy fantasies with me, I couldn’t believe my good luck. Then, my dick wouldn’t get hard.”

Nightmare. I know guys fear this, and that you’re super embarrassed if you’re not rock hard or can’t perform the way you want to. Lasting longer during sex is also a common issue.

The truth is, it happens. A lot. For all kinds of reasons, from nerves to medication to over-excitement. I have no real words of comfort because a man’s virility has so much riding on it symbolically, not to mention the experience you may have missed.

For what it’s worth, most women don’t sit around gloating or thinking less of you. We’re adults and we know it’s perfectly natural and normal, and that sex is messy and funny and embarrassing sometimes.

She Was Butt Ugly

“What’s behind door number two? Well, not what was in the pictures. I almost gagged when what was supposed to be our hot third showed up looking like a meth-addled skank.”

Here’s what I tell people: show your best photographs, but don’t airbrush out acne or try to hide male-pattern baldness. Be the best you that you can be, but not more.

This goes for the boys, and ladies too. You have to go with what you’ve got, and show it. The pool might get narrow, but you want someone who knows and wants what you have, or doesn’t care.

Real people have back hair and blemishes. But if I think Ryan Gosling’s about to knock, and find out you’re a liar who can’t own up to your own humanity, I’m not going to want to take off my clothes. Capiche?

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