While it’s true that a threesome can happen spontaneously, it’s usually those that have been orchestrated through careful planning that are the most memorable.
Most couples with open relationships use niche online dating sites—PolyamoryDate.com and CouplesDating.com— that cater to people who are in into threesomes, kink, and swinging.
Once you find a potential third, take your time getting to know a little about them beyond their physical appearance. Even if it’s just a one-off you desire, you don’t want to get embroiled in a situation that hurts you or your primary partner. You just want to have good clean fun!
Online or in person, there are many questions you can ask as part you and your primary partner’s vetting process.
7 Questions to Ask a Potential Third
1. Is this your first threesome?
This is a good icebreaker question to ask if it’s not already in someone’s profile. It may be nice to be with a newbie if it’s you and your gal’s first time also. Or maybe you want someone who’s more experienced with threesomes or even domination if that’s your thing. Don’t be shy to ask this question to get the ball rolling.
2. Are you single, in an open relationship?
If you potential third is single, you don’t have to worry about a certain kind of drama that may unfold if she has a partner. And it can be nice to connect with other polyamorous couples, especially if there isn’t a large community in your area (although some couples opt for full sexual discretion when it comes to their group sex activities).
3. Would you be up for regular threesomes?
If you don’t want to think about beyond what happens with the person, then don’t ask. But if you are looking for a regular threesome arrangement or that elusive unicorn third then by all means ask about his or her desires or interests. You can also wait to see how fantastic, or not, the hookup turns out to be before you ask this.
4. How and where do you want to start the evening?
Few threesomes begin with all three participants throwing off their clothes and jumping into bed. Ask your new “friend” if she’d like to meet up somewhere beforehand, either a few days before or the night of (if you are confident you all match up). Is she coming to your place? Or is a hotel better for everyone? If you have set ideas about this, share it early.
5. Do you have any kinks you want to indulge?
Most people have a kink or two, if not full-on BDSM activities they enjoy, but it may take more trust than can be expected on a first threesome hookup to indulge these sexual proclivities. If your key interest in threesomes involves cuckolding, role playing, or bondage, it’s probably best to suss this out early. No harm, no foul in asking.
6. What are your boundaries, limits?
This is especially important for any BDSM activities you all want to try, for the safety and enjoyment of all involved. If you’re not a kink newbie, you’ll know what to ask. Talk about expectations, desires, hard limits, and safe words. Leaving any of this to the night of is irresponsible and just asking for awkward moments.
7. Are you into a sleepover, or no?
Think about some of your first sexual hookups, how some people couldn’t wait to leave after the sex and how that mad you feel, or how it was hard to ask someone to leave who would still be there half way through the next day. Be mature and ask what they want or don’t want, or just share what your expectation is, so there are no surprises or hurt feelings.
Are you single, looking to hook up with a couple? Read: 7 Questions to Ask Couples before Joining a Threesome
What else would you ask a potential third?
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