Couples Advice

Red Flags when Looking for a Threesome

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Perhaps no escapades are as fun as the threesome. Yet the arrangement can have barriers or volatile emotions.

The threesome is one of the most common fantasies for men and women, and for many of us, a fantasy we have realized. For some of us, it’s a routine part of our repertoire of hooking up.

Yet swinging or group scenes can be easier to arrange or process than the simple trilogy! When the players are less intimately focused, the dynamic can be more democratic.

In a threesome, you are usually half of a couple, addressing sharing your partner. Or else you are the “extra”- the third wheel. You are not always integral to the relationship. I find being the  “plaything” exquisitely liberating. It’s a no-strings role I love. Still, it is something to come to terms with when you first start exploring threesome scenes.

Of course there are many other variations, like the three-stranger hookup. Or three friends who have never planned a threesome together suddenly getting horny. Or the boyfriend walking in on his girl getting it on with the postman, and deciding to make the best of the situation. These too have their intricate web of human interactions to navigate.

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Many people will  not act on this favorite fantasy to avoid potential complications. For me, sacrificing the pleasure, excitement and fun of three’s company is simply not an option. Most of the best things in life carry some kind of risk, and I’m going to live life to the fullest.

That said, we can all watch out for these red flags…

Reluctance. Forget it. I mean it. Many people are curious, or still fantasizing. That’s fine. Look for those of us who are clearly willing, even begging for it. You don’t have to try to interpret mixed signals. You want clear signals only.

If someone is reluctant, they’re not ready. When they’re ready, you won’t need to wonder. You can avoid mistakes, regrets, power struggles, and most complications simply by heeding this red flag.

The person is wasted. Many threesomes start out in a club or lounge and a few drinks among adults is a normal and healthy prelude to enjoying sex. But avoid arranging a threesome with someone who is plastered. If the date you met online shows up at your condo high out of her mind, politely but firmly put her in a cab. You don’t need anything this messy.  

Your wife wants to do it with her best friend… or yours. Some of the best triplets are made up of people who already like or love each other who find themselves getting carried away. But planned affairs that proposition a “trusted love one” are more apt to find themselves awkward later. You don’t want to risk stable friendships going strange. Pick up hotties online who knows what they’re getting themselves into instead.

Once you’re more experienced you might decide to tell your bestie and find out he’s always dreamed of ramming your wife. You’ll better understand by then whether you will find that reality hot or not- when you and the missus have a few notches on your un-chastity belt.  

The wrong number or no callback. Don’t try to chase down or overthink “the slip.” Your potential third may have been into the idea at the time, but the mood passed. Don’t pester. Do leave a discreet, open-ended message such as “Keep this number handy and give us a call in the future if you wish.”

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