In my random online surfing, I came across this DJ who is a big fan of porn and sexuality, but who is a regular monogamous dude as far as I know. He threw down the curiosity gauntlet and asked:
“SO, WHO STARTS THINGS UP IN AN ORGY?”
I thought he was coming from an honest place, and because I’ve had numerous experiences with orgies I thought I would write a post on it. I’m not an expert, as I don’t believe that can be achieved in sex, but I do have a wealth of memories to speak from. I’ve been a member of a popular local sex club, as well as a public sex performance artist and porn actor.
Someone online joked, “alcohol starts the orgy,” and you know what they say: there’s a bit of truth in every joke. I don’t prefer using liquid courage to make anything happen in any sexual situation. But a tiny bit of drugs or alcohol MIGHT be something people choose to indulge in, and I can’t judge because I’ve certainly been that person on occasion. TINY amounts might help, but not getting smashed to have to drop your frigid inhibitions.
Here are my first thoughts that came to mind about who gets an orgy going.
Orgy Hookups: Who Makes it Happen?
The Collective Group
This was my first answer, and even though it’s the most ideal way for an orgy to start, it’s a bit of a dream. Not that life can’t be exactly like if not BETTER than a Hollywood movie on occasion, the truth is that it’s challenging to get everyone in the same space at the same time ready for action.
Some orgies can happen this way, but don’t expect it unless you’re lucky and super focused on putting that scenario together. It’s kind of like having an orgasm at the same time—a wonderful intention, but not a vital requirement to have a good time. Some people can get it started, and some people can just watch before they feel ready to join in, if that’s what it takes.
The Host Starts an Orgy
If there was one person who sent out all the invitations, or made the phone calls, or just got the ball in motion, then that person might be the best person to get the orgy hookup going.
They could make introductions, or take their clothes off first, or possibly make the first public kiss—who knows? But the person who inspired the idea might be the next best choice to light the fire.
Hosting a threesome has its responsibilities and can take some planning, but it doesn’t always mean he or she is involved in the sexual activity. They may just be offering up their private location as a safe place for a group rendezvous.
The Most Confident Guest
Women who feel the most comfortable and confident (usually the center of much attention) are often the instigators.
Not that an all-male or trans orgy wouldn’t be also subject to the same scrutiny of confidence and comfort as this, but there are certain energetic differences in certain identities and bodies, and in an group sex situation, these differences come up in play.
Even though I’m queer and have played with men and trans people multiple times in orgies and have had lots of fun and joy, I KNOW that I have a HIGH attraction to women and femmes in these sexy situations and would like to maximize the joy and pleasure I share with them to the best of my ability and agility!
A Couple Lucky Players
If nobody knows how to do something in an orgy hookup, you can always gamble with some fair and equitable system that people can all agree on. Rock paper scissors, strip poker, Crazy Eights, or the Magic 8 Ball can all lead to good group times. I’ve definitely had orgies develop after a half hour of Spin the Bottle. Playing a game can put everyone at ease, create an enjoyable tension, and add an element of the unexpected.
So these are some of the ways an orgies have started in my life. You never know exactly how things will play out, so you want to have contingency plans to help things move from thought to action if necessary. Good luck in making everything happen, and I hope that you have as much orgy fun as you all can dream up!
Don’t want to wait for an orgy to simply “happen”? To find orgy hookups, check out How to Find Swinger Hookups Online.
xoxo,
Addi Stewart
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