Since I recently invested in a time machine, procured rather cheaply on Amazon, I thought I might share some of my threesome adventures through the many folds and mists of time. Enjoy!
If you can make it back to the Paleolithic era, you will find all sorts of rewarding adventures to be had. Women in this era are pretty much focused on doggy style, and they aren’t into kissing yet, but don’t let that sort of thing distract you. Women in the old stone age can pretty much be impressed by the function of a cigarette lighter, or a well sharpened steak knife.
You will have access to as many ancient caves as you like with only moderate effort. And you can decorate their interiors with you own special brand of paint, as much and as often as you please. Have fun changing the entire mitochondrial lineage of humanity!
Nobody gets wet like a gal from Atlantis! At least that’s what my old friend Testiclaius the Thracian used to say. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, if you show up to the club smelling like fish sauce you will be going home with a lady on each arm in no time at all.
The Atlanteans have a special three-way move they call the trident. Two women get into the scissor position, but with the man’s cock sandwiched in between their pussies. The grinding and stroking motion caused by the two wet sets of labia lips is overwhelming. You’ll need a lot of self-control to stop yourself from becoming just another deep-sea volcanic eruption.
Ah, the mighty and ancient city of Mexico! When Cortez and his retinue arrived there in 1519 AD, they came upon a city larger and more sophisticated than anything they had ever seen. Ancient Aztec girls are crazy for chocolate, which they consume in liquid form with a little bit of hot pepper mixed in. This concoction can be hard on your belly if you aren’t ready for it, but it also does amazing things to the female body.
Endorphins are released and warm, sensual love can be made in the Mexican sunset, with two sun-kissed beauties, their breasts pendulous as they lean in over you, attending to your every need. Be careful if you are planning to fall for an Aztec lady, though. If you cross her, she will surely cut your heart out!
The Christianisation of Ireland, back in the 5th century. Not only did St. Patrick drive out the pagans, but he drove out all the snakes as well. If you find yourself in some far flung village along the west coast of the Emerald Isle, face to face with a pair of buxom and scarlet-haired lasses, tell them that there’s yet one snake still remaining in Ireland.
Promise to show them where it is if they follow you down the craggy cliffs and onto a misty, rain-soaked beach. There, propped upon a rock, you can unlace your leather pants and let the one serpent St. Paddy missed rise up out of the fog. No doubt those two heathen women will fall down to their knees in reverence and worship at the root of your ancient oak!
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