3 Things Nobody Tells You about Threesomes

I mean, where do you really get your information on certain things in life?

We all know we leave high school with a head full of algebra and calculus bullshit that will never help us do our taxes. But where do we get a good foundation of information to be creating a threesome scenario in our world?

Porn doesn’t have enough tutorials, or at least they aren’t sexy and popular enough, LOL! (I’m working on that… bear with me, folks. Educational porn can be smart AND sexxxy! But, I digress.)

Meet sexy singles and couples now at FindaThreesome!

Threesomes have some guiding principles that aren’t really commonly discussed with people, but if you know them, you’ll be better off getting off!

3 Threesome Principles to Follow

1. Pace Yourself
Fellas, I’m looking at you. Women generally might not have to follow this advice as closely, except for the women who aren’t ready to keep going after the first orgasm. But for those boys, men and any others who aren’t exactly multi-orgasmic (which is just fine, you only have to know your limits and (fore)play in it), it’s great to understand that just because there are four boobies and two vaginas, or two penises and two assholes or some additional introduction of fun things to interact with, doesn’t mean it’s time to go into hyper-overdrive and get every last moment in with all the flesh in grasping distance.

You know you’ve had a great threesome when you’ve accomplished over 50% of what you DREAM you would do. Hell, the truth is: you know you’ve had a great threesome WHEN YOU HAVE ANY THREESOME YOU DON’T REGRET, and nobody else involved regrets, either.

So, slow down and don’t crash into a greedhole, when attention and hand-eye co-ordination and devotion get mixed up, and the vibrations go awry because of impatience and eager ignorance. S-L-O-W D-O-W-N. Smell the flowers. Observe the birds. Kiss a thigh. Nuzzle an arched back. Look in everyone’s eyes. Then… go forth confidently in the direction of your dreams and fantasies.

2. Save Yourself
This applies to many things. Save yourself the trouble of wondering about catching STIs by being safe ahead of time. Save yourself the worry of having to talk about pain during the fun times by openly communicating boundaries in a wide-open conversation before you are all naked, unless you want to discuss it at exactly that time before things happen. Talk when it’s most comfortable to accomplish the point: be honest about your edges. No anal? No watersports? No name-calling of a certain type? No tying up with barbed wire dipped in peppermint chocolate syrup?

There are things to discuss if you want to save yourself the heartache of having to say “NO MAS! RED! STOP!” while two ______ were JUST about to do the ______ to your ______, you know? Save yourself the sorely unwanted drama of post-coital remorse by putting aside waaaaay more than enough time to talk, space to get comfortable and naked, music/movies/food/incense/marijuana/alcohol/etc. to relax if that’s your thing, and prophylactics on all people who need such, as well as all sex toys involved. Better-safe-than-sorry applies to threesomes more than words can say!

3. Play Yourself
And by this, I mean: play a VERSION of yourself that you’re NOT when you’re in real life. Play your DREAM self. Play your SECRET self. Play your HIDDEN self. Play your SULTRY self. Play your RAVENOUS self. Play your INSATIABLE self. Play the side of yourself that you think you have to hide to stay alive in the vanilla daytime of your life.

Play with yourself, as in: try to see yourself from the outside, looking in on the dream happening in real time. Play the puppet master of yourself and watch you enjoy foreplaying along with two other people’s parts! Ooh, isn’t that fun? Press play on the version of yourself that you would be if you took off your fearful chains of actualizing your fantasies.

Role play yourself. And there’s a fine line between pretending and acting. Better to act like a freak in the sheets than to pretend you’re one when in said sheets. Play for keeps, don’t play around. This threesome is as real as the things you stop thinking about doing and start actually doing together. Play for keeps, I tells you! You want to keep these memories forever… it’s a threesome!!!

There’s always more to learn, but those are three things that hopefully will help you have more and more and more good times in the meantime.

In joy,
Addi Stewart

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