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7 Boundaries to Discuss before Threesomes

Threesome with Handcuffs

When you know a threesome is going to happen, it’s hard to think of anything but the actual sex. You start fantasizing about how it’s going to look, about what two beautiful women are going to do to you… what you’re going to do to them. But hold up! Boundaries are an important part of the threesome—they work to make a threesome work.

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No matter what your threesome looks like—you and a couple, your partner and a third, or three single friends hooking up—there are boundaries to discuss before. I like to talk well before the act, so they don’t end up spoiling the flow of things. And I know, it’s not always an easy or comfortable discussion, but it’s worth it.

7 Boundaries to Discuss Before a Threesome

1. Level of participation. How involved does each person want to be? Are you only interested in being a voyeur? Maybe you don’t want two people touching you at the same time, or maybe you only want to give but not receive.

2. Same-sex sex. Are you down with touching, and sucking, and fucking another dude, or are you only into FFM threesomes? Do you want to see two women eat each other out, and if so, are they willing to do that? Don’t wait until you have to push someone off you.

3. Limits. How far are you willing to go when it comes to… well, anything? Are your limits hard on some things, soft on others? Get this out of the way, so you don’t freak out when someone… (you know what belongs here… or doesn’t!)

4. Anal play. This is a big one for straight men. Again, what are you comfortable with going near or in the back door. Some partners might bring beads, plugs, and dildos to the threesome, so express your interest or disinterest in everything anal ahead of time. And if you love to toss a woman’s salad, throw that on the table too.

5. BDSM. Are you up for a little bondage? Do you only want to do the tying? Maybe you fantasize about role playing and want two naughty school girls bent over for a good spanking. Do you prefer to dominate or be dominated? Is it okay to bring sex toys? What kinds of toys? Do you need a safe word?

6. Privacy. Most people don’t advertise their sexual kinks and activities, so discretion is of utmost important. Most people who are into group sex don’t want to record their three-ways either; but having a dirty little secret is always fun, don’t you think?

7. Protection and protocol. Probably the most awkward thing to bring up, yet the most important. Never assume everyone is packing when it comes to protection. Stock up on condoms and lube, and be ready to abide by others’ protocols such as showering between certain activities. Talk about what each person wants or expects after. Do lovers want a big sleepover, or do they want to go for brunch, or do they want to be alone right after.

I’m sure I missed something that someone likes to talk about before having a threesome. Add your two cents in the comments below!

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