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Feeling Competitive in MMF Threesomes? How to Cope

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Even though the most desired threesome among men is the ever popular FFM, there are many reasons that you may find yourself in an MMF threesome. You might be fulfilling your lover’s fantasy of being with two men, you might be satisfying your curiosity of being with another man in the safe company of your partner, or you might just be open to new sexual experiences.

In MMF threeways there is a possibility that feelings of a competitive nature will arise because there is another man present. First and foremost, know that these feelings are natural, so it’s not so much that you’re having the feelings but how you cope with them that matters.

How to Deal when You Feel Competitive

Be sure you are ready for an MMF threesome.

Never agree to a threesome if you aren’t 100% on board. If you’re not sure, give yourself ample time to think about it in advance. It’s one thing to engage in a threesome you’ve fantasized about for years, and quite another to reluctantly wade in.

Take your time to know to imagine the scenario ahead unfolding. Can you see yourself in a group sex encounter, with another naked man? If the idea freaks you out for whatever reason, hold off and discuss more thoroughly with your partner.

Know your boundaries and limits ahead of time.

You may be fine with agreeing to a threesome with your lover, adding another man to the mix, but you most definitely should discuss your boundaries beforehand.

If you think you’re going to be trying to one-up this other man every time he gives it to your wife, then you can guarantee the experience will be a bust for all involved. It’s not a competition with a winner, it’s about all parties enjoying themselves and respecting each others’ boundaries.

Get to know the other man before you play.

If you already know the third coming in, you have an advantage in that you know the dynamic between you. If it’s a guy you’ve both met online, but not in person, suggest a meet up for drinks just to see if your personalities gel.

Personality clashes can ruin any sexual connection. He may be the sub you’ve both been looking for, so it’s unlikely you will feel the need to compete. But maybe you’re both alphas who want to get the last lick, suck, or thrust in. Suss out the fit in advance.

Recognize when competitive feelings are rising.

The best thing you can do to avoid any unpleasantness mid-threesome is to be fully engaged and present with the situation unfolding. Self-awareness will have you recognizing any competitive feelings bubbling up during your encounter.

When you do feel that need to one-up or be dismissive, catch yourself. Then remind yourself that it’s not about one person being better or about competing for your lover’s affections. It’s about exploring how a threesome can bring you and her closer.

Process feelings after, inwardly, with your partner, and maybe as a group.

There may have been times when you felt left out in the threesome, or that you weren’t performing as well as you would have liked. If you can work through these and let them go on your own, do so, but it’s preferable to share what was going on for you with your partner, especially if you are planning to move forward with more threesome engagements in your relationship.

If your threesome is a regular arrangement with the same third, it’s a good idea to discuss your feelings with your partner and then as a group.

Have you felt competitive in an MMF threesome before? Please share!

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