Just the Tips

How to Date One of Your Threesome Partners

Intimate Couple in Bed

So, this is some advanced polyamorous behavior, and I don’t advocate this choice or action to most individuals.

Sometimes you will have a threesome, where you will feel a great connection between yourself and one other person in the threesome. You may have had a crush on them before you even got together, or felt a connection that far surpassed your threesome expectations and awareness. You will wonder if and how you can and should honor this feeling in yourself.

Can You Date Just One Half of a Threesome?

I say to most people: Do NOT try to have a relationship with your favorite person in the threesome, especially if you are male and trying to get with a woman who is part of the threesome, and more so if her existing partner is another male who brought the threesome situation to you. That is the most typical and obvious boundary violation or transgression, and what MOST threesomes specifically request not to have happen, as a condition of it happening.

Read: What to Do when You Fall in Love with Your Third

People will say, “This is a one-time offer or a random opportunity that requires you to not pursue personal relations with a partner in this scenario.” And honestly, one of the ONLY ways I can suggest that you actually attempt to carry out a relationship with someone you feel deeply for in a threesome—that isn’t a long-term polycule—is that you have a relationship with EVERYONE who was in the threesome you just enjoyed.

Try Dating Both of Your Threesome Partners

Make sure that you have love and affection, or at least some form of positive emotion and honorable connection, with BOTH people, and establish a line of communication between all parties involved, so there isn’t any concept of exclusion. This is exactly why I said it was advanced polyamorous behavior, because it really requests that one open their heart and mind to expanding their connections in a way that expands everything, both sexually and emotionally.

Read: Compersion and How to Practice It

And then… it’s possible that you can go out on a date with THE person that you have grown to feel a separate and unique attraction to because you have planted a solid foundation of care and concern for everyone in the situation, and each person can and will have evidence both verbal and physical that you are NOT trying to separate them and/or conduct your own selfish agenda to satisfy your own private urges at the expense of their previously existing relationship.

You will have shown that you genuinely care about them both, individually and together, and have proven that you will be responsible and real towards having relationships with them both from the present to the foreseeable future. Once that possibility is actualized, then it’s a realistic option for you to have personal solo dates with your betrothed crush!

This also requires delicate and advanced relationship conduct—it’s about BALANCE between expressing the power and depth of your desire with the respect and appreciation for the relationship this person is already in.

Let them know about any polyamorous relationships that you are in that might affect or might not affect your connection to your crush—and by extension, their partner—and then… do whatever feels right together!

I have tried to explain a slightly sophisticated mode of behavior in polyamory, and I hope you are able to take something from it! If not, it’s okay, just have casual threesomes and be honest to everyone, ha ha.

I hope you have success in balancing everyone you care about!

Sincerely,
Addi Stewart

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