Just the Tips

How to Bring Up the Threesome Question

Man Whispers to Woman

Whether you are dating someone new, dating for no-strings-attached hookups, or sharing a life with a long-term partner, it can be tricky to know when to bring up the threesome question.

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Understand that not bringing it up probably means not having one!

If you don’t ask or share your fantasy, how can the discussion come to the table?

It’s true, SHE might be the one to suggest it, and for many guys, that’s ideal because if that happens, there won’t be any blowback or rejection or friction that can come when we bring up the sticky subject of somebody else.

It is, after all, a very common fantasy. And if your partner has enjoyed them in the past, you might hope she’ll suggest it now. Fair enough. But not likely.

Many women who have had threesomes and enjoyed them feel they have “been there, done that.” They might enjoy it again, but it’s not on their bucket list anymore.

Other women don’t want to bring up the idea of other partners. Why suggest it if you’re not thinking about it? But of course, you are.

And with some ladies, the thought hasn’t occurred to them at all. But once it does, it might be a huge turn on.

Be tactful when you bring it up. Gauge her response. Don’t whine and beg, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.

Don’t assume she’s not into it.

Some guys never bring it up because they assume a girl’s not into threesomes.

I can tell you that at least half of the girlfriends with whom I’ve talked to about sex have had threesomes, sometimes just drunk experimenting in college, and sometimes as something extra they enjoy throughout their sex lives. Sometimes it’s specific to one man they had wild times with.

The worst you can do to lose out on a threeway is to assume she wouldn’t want to try it.

It can be easier to find casual sex with casual sex partners.

If you’re having a wild affair or hooking up with a no-strings-attached lover, now might be the time to ask the threesome question. Asking it when she’s been up for days with your twin toddlers coughing all night and has a cold herself, well, good luck with that.

Focus first on the most important things—her pleasure, her security, her needs.

The most common thing I hear from women is that they fantasize about threesomes all the time, but they also know that a boyfriend who hasn’t figured out how to put her first isn’t going to do so after opening the bedroom door to more pussy.

Read that again, guys.

The most common thing is NOT “she’s not interested.”

It might sound to you like you are being rewarded or punished for your behavior, and in a simplistic way maybe that’s true. But the central theme men and women are always fighting in their differing sexualities is that a woman’s sexuality opens, blooms, and blossoms with deep emotional connection, and a man’s is ignited continually by novelty and new flesh, even if in the mind.

When you understand that, you can see why she isn’t turned on or why she gets annoyed that you are constantly on the lookout for what else you can have.

So use this understanding wisely. Nurture her. Don’t deny your biology and turn ons, but show her that she is first and more important than anyone else. Show some gratitude for her getting naked and having sex with you. Women often feel like once they “land” in a relationship, and start opening up and really getting into the sex because of the emotional connection, he’s now into quickies and wants orgies or porn instead.

Play your cards right, and you can have your cake and eat it too. This is the secret of men who do.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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