Just the Tips

I Want a Threesome… but My Dick is Small

Bunches of Carrots

Dear Jamie,

I love reading your threesome tips, insights, and adventures, but there’s something you haven’t addressed.

Like most men, being with two babes in a three-way is a staple fantasy. You inspire many on how to make that real, but what about us little guys?

I know all the comforting statements: how most men obsess over penis size, how porn sizes are not realistic, how size isn’t an issue for most women. There may be truth to all of that, but this is also true: I really do have a small penis.

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Whenever I bring this up, I’m told “no, it’s not.” We refuse to address the harsh fact that some of us, through no fault of our own, were forgotten when the gods were doling out joy sticks.

Let me spell it out for you. My dick is barely as long as a Q-tip and just a bit thicker than a pencil—when hard!

A woman left me because she needed “at least a basic size” to satisfy her, and the few hookups had disappointment all over their faces. I’m not bad looking, aside from this deficit, but the best sex I’ve had is hired, sorry to say.

How can I fulfill my threesome fantasy when I can’t even please one woman? Do any women have a small penis fetish?

Not Your Average Joe

Dear Joe,

Wow. Your letter is honest, and I will not offer you platitudes.

Size does matter, and anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Not every girl wants a horse-sized cock, but some men really did get the short end of the stick.

First of all, your real suffering is why the rest of you guys should stop whining about life without an eleven incher. Be thankful, not greedy.

As for you Joe, let’s talk about the threesome, and how to make it happen despite this, er, shortcoming. Be brave and make it happen. Don’t go through life without.

1. You already mentioned a solution. Go to a state or province where sex work is legal, and hire some help. Sure, you prefer a threesome where two horny chicks are really into you. But this alternative offers some benefits of its own, such as no drama, and no pressure. While looking for an even better three-way, experience being with two women and what works best.

2. I’m always one for honesty, it removes so many problems and fears. Folks with an unusual trait mention it in their online dating profiles, in order to pair up with someone who is looking for that, or fine with looking past it. Lay all your cards on the table. Then you won’t worry about the moment of truth. You may not get millions of responses, but the ones that come will have real potential.

Yes, I’m serious: “Sweet, funny dude with small penis, desperately seeking three-way with busty brunettes.”

3. Seek out a threesome where everyone is into dildo play, and make it all about pleasing their pussies, not about your dick.

4. Check out the uproarious and poignant documentary, Unhung Hero. This poor bloke proposed in public to his girl, and she shamed him by saying his penis was tiny. So he made a film about it, taking us with him to the doctor, to shamans and sex gurus, and on dates.

He ended up with hundreds of hotties literally fighting over him. Putting it out there might really be the best thing for you.

Yes, size matters, but do remember it’s not the only thing that matters. Nice eyes, a nice ass, and a sense of humor are all sexy, too.

Love,
Jamie

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