Just the Tips

When to Tell People about Your Threesomes

Men at the Club

Whether you are naturally an open book, a big bragger, or the silent type, you may be wondering when it’s cool to talk about your threesomes?

You might be involved in a polycule and want to validate your love of several women to the world.

You might be asked by a new girlfriend about your past escapades and future desires, and you want to be honest about everything.

You might be seen on a threesome date with your two lovers, and Mom has questions.

Or you might just want to let your best mate know that you had the time of your life last night banging thy neighbor’s wife while her husband watched the whole thing.

How and When to Talk about Your Threesomes

Honesty and discretion are your best threesome policies.

You don’t have to keep track of your fabrications and omissions when you tell the truth, but that doesn’t mean you have to inundate unwilling ears with your private business. Your little sister doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of your personal sex life.

Even if you are open about polyamory or kinks or anything else, that doesn’t mean people want to know the sexy details. You don’t have to be ashamed of anything or anyone, but you don’t have to tell strangers on the bus.

The need to know basis is the best guideline.

It’s not a secret, but you don’t want to overshare. Think about who needs to know—your new girlfriend, perhaps, or your doctor. Gauge requests as they come. When you are asked to report on your personal life, including threesomes, assess how important it is that so and so needs to know.

Be direct and unashamed when speaking to medical professionals.

Whether your doctor approves or not of your sex practices is not the point—you are there for health care, not Sunday school. Don’t omit important information about your sexual health. Think about it, your doctor doesn’t approve of another patient’s smoking, either, but it’s key information for treatment.

Instead of cowering every time your doctor asks about your sex life, take control of the relationship. “Doc, I’m not planning to settle down right now and have regular hookups, including threesomes with both men and women. I need to know that you can give me the information and care I need to stay healthy. Can I count on you?”

You may want to tell your best friend, but make sure to protect your lovers’ privacy.

There’s nothing wrong with confessing to your bestie that you’ve been lucky enough to indulge in all kinds of hot three-way experiments, but don’t name names or disrespect anyone’s privacy. It might seem like fun and games, but you never know who’s jealous ex is listening in or if someone has an unexpected hate-on for women who love sex.

Keep specific details that will give away identities, whether about a single woman or a couple or another man. The gist of the romp is more than enough information. Consider the safety and privacy of your lovers first, always.

Honor your threesome relationships.

If you are involved in a triad or polycule, it’s more than sex and you shouldn’t hide your love unless there is a danger to someone who is part of the relationship. If you and two women are seriously dating, you don’t want to hide one woman away from friends and family. Talk to both or all of your partners about how all of you want to handle the relationship reveal.

How much do you share about your threesomes, and to whom? 

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