Threesomes with friends are awesome, and are the easiest, most stress-free way to enjoy sexual debauchery OR thressomes with friends are awful, and easily the most stressful way to enjoin sexual debauchery.
Notice how Paradise and Inferno are but a simple slip of the tongue apart? Welcome to the complicated mechanics of getting naked with your besties. Please settle into Padmasana while I scribble some very important words on The Big Board of Love.
1. FAMILIARITY. Knowing each other well can eliminate the unnecessary nonsense of worrying about unsightly fat-bits or the hideous birthmark that covers your entire butt cheek. Unless, of course, you subsequently find yourselves suffering from an embarrassing case of TMI, desperately wishing you’d never laid eyes on that most abnormal Jesus-shaped scar.
2. That you and your friends share (or are privy to each other’s) HISTORY might help to form a relational bond—a solidarity, if you will. But unless that bond is equally shared, understood, and accepted, then “history” can easily become BAGGAGE—and most people aren’t so quick to lug someone else’s heavy baggage.
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3. The best thing about piling up naked with your besties is the most-welcome level of TRUST that would otherwise take, like, forever to foster. That sort of trust is usually the key to crossing the line into better—and more adventurous—sex. But once that line is crossed, some parties are apt to feel as vulnerable as an open sore, and JEALOUSY soon comes a-knockin: Who are they sleeping with next?
4. Sure there’s plenty of truth in the notion of “the comfort of strangers.” After all, that’s why the gods invented anonymous sex. But it’s just as valid to embrace the COMFORT found in sexual intimacy with those who are close to you. Emotional shorthand can lessen the anxiety of having three bodies in the bed, especially if it’s your first time. But at the opposite end of the comfort spectrum is the reddest of red flags: REGRET. If your friendship is more important to you than anything else in the world, then maybe it’s not worth rolling the dice for the sake of a threesome.
These emotional and psychological considerations are all basically the same as those applied to one-on-one sex with a friend—only multiplied by six. Why six instead of two? Because that’s how complex things get when three people who know each other are naked together in a room.
I suggest you copy my motto into your notebooks: When in doubt, do without!
Go Team Go!
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