Unless your threesomes are happening within an exclusively trinogamous relationship (which, let’s face it, is unlikely) there will always be a level of risk. The acceptability of that level is your call.
But you needn’t panic that threesome risks are greater than those of a couple. It’s simple sex math: your Friday night 2sum and your Saturday night 2sum are sandwiched together for a Sunday afternoon 3sum.
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I generally break safe sex down into two risk categories. Your own experience can allow you to add or subtract from this list as you see fit.
1. Non-negotiable Risk
- Any and all penetration (vaginal or anal) requires a condom. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise goes home unsatisfied.
2. Negotiable Risk (negotiated with oneself or partners)
- Bareback Blowjobs. Are you comfortable with condomless blowjobs? I know people who think blowjobs with a condom are too safe. Chances are you won’t get HIV from a blast of cum in your mouth—unless you have an open sore (you should also refrain from brushing your teeth for at least an hour beforehand because the toothbrush bristles can cause just enough unseen damage to your gums to be considered an open sore.) That being said, STDs on the skin should always be considered. Do you know where that cock’s been?
- Cunni- or analingus. Same as above. If a bare tongue on the pussy or bum hole troubles you, then what you need are dental dams. They’re basically squares of latex that act as a barrier during oral sex. Again, some folks say it makes sex seem like a visit to the dentist, but dams undoubtedly reduce the risk of transferring STDs. Do you know where that hole or tongue’s been?
- Toys. Technically this shouldn’t be negotiable: all toys should be wrapped in a condom. Body bits get trapped in the toys’ pores. But there are ways around it. You can wash the toy before using it on a different partner, but what a mood-spoiling time-out that is. You might separate toys designated to individual partners, but things can get mixed up during heated moments. And considering strap-ons are common during theesome play, it’s best to keep it simple and safe: wrap it up.
- Know your partner. Anonymous sex is exciting. That’s the point. But regret lasts longer than excitement. And there’s more to worry about than just disease… what if you’re dealing with a psycho? Try and get to know who you’re inviting to the party.
- Location, location, location. Play somewhere you feel safe. If taking off your clothes in a stranger’s apartment creeps you out, insist on home turf. If bringing a stranger into your home creeps you out, rent a room. If you don’t feel safe, it won’t be fun.
The onus is on you to keep yourself safe, and that comes with making choices. Personally? When I find good partners, I stick with them, always aiming to be as trinogamous as possible.
Go Team Go!
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