So, you want to have a threesome and she’s not interested. This is a common complaint. There are countless men hoping to have a hot threeway with their leading lady and her bestie. Or the cashier at Starbucks and her study buddy. Or anyone!
Many women enjoy threesomes, but even those who are into the idea are often happy to explore it just a few times. Then it’s “been there, done that” rather than “I want that again, often, always.”
You beg, plead, and whine. You argue. Then she says, “If you want her so bad, go for it,” and walks out.
Then you’re in bed with “her” and the whole thing starts again. You wonder how your new girl would look with her tits mashed up against those gorgeous breasts of your ex.
Here’s the thing: even if women find the idea hot, quite often when they’re in a relationship or emotionally connected to you, they aren’t interested in getting naked with another guy.
So, yes, some women are more interested in group sex when you’re first dating or for casual hookups. When they’re at clubs slurping back the martinis and grinding up against their girlfriend on the dance floor, enjoying the power to turn all the boys on.
Then when she connects to a person, it becomes more than sex. It’s no longer just about getting off, it’s about that connection. And for women in this situation the last thing they want is to bring another person in who isn’t part of that relationship. How could YOU want to be with someone else?
In her mind, the more you wheedle about a threeway, the more she wonders why on earth getting naked and making a soul connection with her isn’t enough. She starts to question the bond, and you can’t blame her if you’re thinking from a woman’s perspective. You have a cosmic connection. But all you do is think about the girl who isn’t in bed with you.
It’s a terrible thing to be in love with a guy, and you can’t wait to get naked with him again tonight. You soap up in bubbles and drench yourself in sultry perfume, put on a tight dress. Then he turns up the football game and scratches his balls, and says, “Think your friend Steph would want a threesome?” The girl is wondering why he doesn’t want the willing woman in front of him. When she storms out of the house in that dress, she gets a dozen offers. She wonders what the hell YOUR problem is.
But you can’t help the way you’re wired. A man’s desire for a woman, even if she’s a perfect ten, ebbs and flows. But a new mate brings it all back to life. We can say that you are rats, literally—studies show that rats can be completely drained of semen and stamina, but introduce a new female to fuck and he will literally rise from the dead.
Compromise in the threesome arena sometimes feels like loss on both sides. You saying “fine, it’s just us baby” means losing the thrill that is the height of sex. For her, being sexual with someone else when she’s emotionally intimate with you can be upsetting.
Men and women will never see eye to eye on these matters, so if you were waiting for the magic solution at the end of this post, sorry man! But, sharing this with her or acknowledging her perspective might be a good place to start a dialogue.
Tell us what you think