I went on a trip my with my new lady a few weeks ago. It was sort of a Valentine’s thing, but also just a test to see whether we could travel with each other, and not drive each other crazy. One interesting thing that came up a few times was the topic of other ladies, and where I was at with other ladies.
As disclosure, we did have a threesome early on into our relationship. It was super hot, and a lot of fun, but we didn’t do a lot of talking about it either. We met because a friend of hers was trying to get with me and wanted my (now girlfriend) to make an introduction.
The woman I ended up dating (I’ll call her woman #1) was asked to invite me to a party on behalf of woman #2. I thought #1 was asking me out when she called. I didn’t realizing she was asking me to a party because #2 would be there and wanted to ease up beside me.
When #2 did ease up beside me at the party, I was kind of confused because I really wanted to hang out with #1. I got the sense she wanted to hang out with me too, but she was hanging back. Turns out this hang back was because of #2’s intention. #2 tried to get me to spend the night with her, but I said no. I secretly wanted to go out with #1 and realized that if I went with #2 (her friend), I would never get with #1.
So anyhow, #1 and I ended up dating. It’s great. On the way back from our trip, I ran into another female friend on the ferry and chatted with her for a while while #1 sat by and didn’t say much.
By the by, #1 questioned me about all these ladies. Why didn’t I go out with #2 when I had the chance? Had I been thinking about the other girl from the threesome? How come I never dated this friend from the ferry?
We had talked about being in an open relationship and generally agreed we were going that way. Jealousy is a waste of time. I also think that physical affection with someone is one way of getting to know them, or just connecting. I feel that #1 thinks so, as well.
That said, I told #1 she shouldn’t be asking why I don’t want to go out with so and so. Instead, she should be asking why would I go out with so and so, when I could be going out with #1. She needs to love herself, and know she is better than any of those other ladies. There is nothing wrong with them, but she is the one I chose.
Sharing your lover with another person shouldn’t stem from feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. It should be about knowing you are sexy enough and amazing enough, that allowing your lover (and yourself) to explore will not damage your bond.
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