Couples Advice

Can a Threesome Save a Relationship?

Couple Kissing

Assuming we’re discussing a sexual relationship, and not issues surrounding hating your in-laws, the answer to whether a threesome can save a relationship is simple: It depends.

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2 Questions for Couples to Consider before Having a Threesome

1. Why do you think a threesome might be a solution? If your troubles are in the bedroom, and sexually you’re in desperate need of adventure, I suggest (and you’re not going to like this) that you start with porn, sexy role playing, and toys before topping-up the headcount. These (some or all) more conventional additions might either:

a) reignite the sort of fulfillment you’d been hoping for, along with a discovery that a 3sum was unnecessary after all.

b) make you realize that no matter what you change or add, your relationship has no hope for survival.

c) whet your appetite to up the ante.

2. Who’s suggesting the threesome? Is it both parties, or only one?

If both parties are suggesting it, you’re off to a good start. But do you both imagine each other in the threesome? Can you be specific about the roles you imagine for each other and why you imagine it the way you do? If the answer is yes all-round, you might be in business.

But if you’re both imagining a threesome but not with each other, then you should probably instead be having a discussion about open relationships.

If only one of you is vying for a threesome—and that it’s the solution to your problems in the bedroom—then you’re in trouble. Someone is clearly sexually frustrated and ready to move on. Alternatively there may be an issue of unacknowledged sexual incompatibility. Either way, solo pitches are often one of many threesome red flags.

Obviously threesomes are my go-to or I wouldn’t be contributing to this soapbox. But I’ve learned the hard way that there’s little room for crossover into more conventional relationships. My takeaway has been: without complete mutual honesty, 3sums are less likely to save a relationship than destroy it.

But if you’re prepared to do the honest and thoughtful legwork, then…

Go Team Go!

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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