Unless you’ve been in an polyamorous open relationship forever or a freewheeling swingers partnership for years, a threesome is something to go into with a modicum of consideration.
Many a threesome has spelled the end of even the best of relationships. I know a couple who were married for years before they decided to “give polyamory a go.” They found a third for ongoing threeways, but after a time the wife fell in love and left her husband. It was a sad scenario.
There’s always going to be unexpected threesome pitfalls that just happen, but there are many things that can be avoided through forethought, planning, and communication. Here are some don’ts that will help things run smoothly, especially for those of you who haven’t had a threesome or limited experience with group-sex encounters.
Threesome Don’t for Couples
DON’T forget to discuss desires, expectations, and boundaries.
It’s easy to get so caught up in just the idea of having a threesome that you forget to talk about the nuts and bolts. Of course, it’s not the fun part, but it will help you to avoid those awkward moments when you might have to step outside the bedroom with your partner because there’s something happening you weren’t expecting.
DON’T rush your selection process of finding a third.
Once you and your partner decide you want to open up your relationship, whether permanently or just for a one-night-only threesome, take the time needed for both of you to adjust to what that might entail. Is it going to be a man or a woman joining you? Where are you going to find this third?
DON’T invite a friend, neighbor, or co-worker to be your third.
Finding the right third who is a pleasing choice for both you and your partner can be challenging. What your individual and mutual desires are will play a part, but it’s generally not a good idea to pick someone either of you already know. It can be tempting to ask a hot crush at work or a sexy neighbor, but discretion and potential fallout really aren’t worth the risk. Join a niche dating site like CouplesDating.com where there are plenty of singles looking for adventurous couples like you and your partner.
DON’T host until after meeting your third outside your home.
Many couples like to host threesomes because they are ultimately more comfortable in their own surroundings, where anything they might need or want is close by. For safety and discretion consider a neutral space like a hotel. If that’s not an option for whatever reason, take some time to meet with your potential third over coffee and drinks. This will also be an opportunity to discuss those boundaries and reveal any red flags that may be present.
DON’T get so lost in the ecstasy that you forget the intimacy.
Whatever your fantasy, watching two women fondle and kiss one another or having your dick sucked by another man, it’s easy to get lost in it all. Remember your primary partner throughout, checking in with them through eye contact and body language to make sure they are cool and happy with everything that is going on. Maybe she’s feeling left out or jealous with the attention you are giving another woman. Stay present and in the moment.
DON’T make arrangements for a second meetup without talking privately with your partner.
When you are all lying spent after an amazing threesome hookup, you might want to blurt out “Let’s do this again, next Friday!” but checking in with your partner (when you are alone together) is the respectful thing to do. It’s okay to acknowledge that you had a good time, but you want to make sure you are both on the same page. Take some time to decompress one on one to share your individual experiences of the group situation, before moving forward.
Any don’ts you can add to this from your own threesome experiences?
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