Although I’ve spent the majority of my life thus far in monogamy, I have dabbled in open relationships and dated men who were polyamorous. I think it’s good to keep an open mind when it comes to how a relationship changes as it grows.
I am currently in talks with my partner about opening up our relationship. We don’t want to do it willy nilly, but with extra care and thought beforehand to make sure we are both on the same page, that our relationship is at a point that it can handle whatever happens (because you really never know what can happen!)
Through my experiences and that of several friends who identify as poly, I’ll share with you some reasons that couples decide to open up their relationships.
4 Reasons Couples Choose to Open Their Relationship
1. They Want to Explore Sexual Fantasies
If you’ve been with the same partner for years and years, you may be experiencing a stale sex life. Ups and downs in the bedroom are normal, and trying new things might not be working anymore. You may love your partner but want to live out a fantasy that they just don’t want to engage in.
It’s becoming less unusual for couples to agree to outside partners, and sometimes it’s just one partner who wants sex outside the relationship while the other agrees to it for the greater good. It may also happen when the gap between sex drives is extreme—this agreement can be just the thing.
2. They Want to Try a Different Lifestyle
As polyamory becomes more mainstream and accepted in society, so too does the emergence of new relationship modes and lifestyles. Ever hear of hotwifing or cuckolding? Female-led relationships? These all include variations of power exchange. Many couples suppress a longing for specific types of relationships that aren’t seen as the norm, but may be a good fit for them.
If you are comfortable enough to share your inner desires and secret fantasies, it may just be the beginning of a new journey for you and your current partner. Many of us lead monogamous lives because that’s what our folks did or tried, or what everyone around us is doing, but there’s so many other ways to find happiness with someone… or more than one.
3. They Want Group Sex Experiences
If you want to try a threesome or the swinger lifestyle, you have to open up your relationship. It may be for one fun-filled night of ecstasy, or it may be so enjoyable that you keep the doors to your bedroom open from here on out.
There are BDSM and kink communities that couples can join where regular sex parties and events are thrown. For more sexual discretion, couples can join threesome dating sites to meet singles or other couples for hookups.
4. They Want More
Many couples feel like something is missing, but they aren’t sure what that is. It may be that their relationship is on the fritz and they think opening it up could fix things, or they may feel very solid but want to explore their intimacy to new depths.
For an open relationship to work, you need trust, love, and truth. That’s not always easy, and probably why so many partners cheat instead of engaging in honest conversation that may actually lead to their lover’s consent and possible interest in outside relations themselves. Sometimes what you do apart can bring you closer together.
Curious about open relationships and how to find your own? See Polyamory Today’s article How to Find an Open Relationship.
Are you in an open relationship? Please share your experience in the comments!
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