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Threesome Porn vs. Threesome Reality

Woman's Hand on Her Bum

Behold, two pairs of breasts, one pair robust enough to fuck with my stiff 10-inch cock, the other pair nymph-like, with nipples long and tough enough to chew. Effortlessly one woman twists into a shoulder-stand, her asshole puckered towards the ceiling while her friend reaches wrist-deep into her pussy and waits for me to

…to snap out of it, back to reality.

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It’s easy to get lost in lala land while watching porn. Group sex fantasies are awash with the hottest of hotties, beautiful and perfect, always eager to please with their fully formed stats (I too, when I’m there, seem to manage those solid ten inches). Even though we know porn isn’t really real, subconsciously, while lost in the throes of fantasy, we sure can believe it’s us sandwiched in the middle of that puppy pile.

For sure I endorse group-sex porn fantasy! It’s healthy. But not as healthy as reality. If you’re falling for those licentious lies found in your fave clips, your threesome is bound to be a disappointment.

Porn threesomes are choreographed. No one swings from one ohmygod-that’s-so-awesome position to the next without having to think carefully. They’re performers, arranged by a director into predetermined positions. Reality is more on the clumsy side: “What next? Wanna try this? That? No? Stick with this one a bit longer? Feel like taking a break? Can you pass me a drink of water, please?”

Porn is a series of Ta-da! moments. You’d think it were a gymnast’s show reel, with all the twisting of limbs amid lunar gravity. Although many people (myself included) practise yoga, reality is far less pliable when aiming for small tight targets. Lower your pretzel-power expectations or you’ll find yourself in your local emerg.

Porn threesomes look like non-stop fun. Know why? Because of a little thing called editing. Think of it this way: porn is awesome sex with all the boring and awkward parts cut out. Reality requires repositioning, breathers, and time-outs. A woman might be sore; a man might lose wood. At the very least, a drink of water will at some point be needed. Think about it!

And my all-time favorite porno lie:

Porn would have us believe the anal-on-a-whim fantasy. “Wanna stick it in my ass? Hadn’t thought about it, but, sure, why not, that sounds like fun!” Dream on. Anal sex requires forethought and preparation, without which is painful and messy.

Follow through with your 3sum fantasies, but let them be your fantasies—reality-based fantasies—not those of some porn distributor operating out of a condo in Malibu.

Go Team Go!

Also read: Threesome Hygiene Etiquette

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