A polyamorous person who works in porn has to have principles. Or else they will be the villain in the movie of life! No matter what people want to say about being open minded, pushing boundaries, and maximizing profits, there is a whole lot of invisible lines of indestructible truth out there that no human can place themselves above or beyond.
The world doesn’t need to know anything, but they’re probably going to find out a whole bunch of shit anyways because we have social media. The only people who ultimately matter: THE PEOPLE YOU’RE FUCKING.
You promise one thing to a lover, and you keep that promise. It’s one thing that separates humans from the more feral animals in the jungle. The integrity of one’s word as a receipt for your subsequent action is a mighty fine balance to seek to maintain in this here republic, innit!? It truly is the way of life in all manner, but there are always exceptions to the rule.
All this is just a fancy way to say: Communicate your emotions before you communicate your actions in a threesome. Unless you will never see them again, and names and numbers shall NOT be exchanged. That’s one of the only situations in life where the most simple basics of communication might be all that is asked, requested, or necessary.
There have been very consensual, advanced, passionate and pure threesomes that have gone down with only three to five words being said. I’ve been that person who asked, and I’ve been that person who was asked. And it’s real what I suggest—if you never will see them again, then there is little to no need to negotiate and communicate emotional values.
Of course, sexual boundaries must be expressed, and protocols of safety should be respected at all times—that is an unspoken rule that applies to everyone at all times. What you want to share of your emotions and personal poly philosophy is your choice.
If you’re at a sex club or sexy party, the general consensus can be lax with a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. That’s not really my style. I prefer to squeeze and slide truth into any hole or box it can fit in. Not to the point of oversharing, but to the point of comfortable knowledge.
I don’t break my principles about being kind and loving very often, and I rarely break my principles about lying. I do occasionally fib, like once a year, but I apologize eventually. The thing is, there are certain people you never have to apologize to, but they are also people who you never get to share passionate emotions with. Can’t have it both ways, my friends. Either you start going all in and share or you play strip poker with sunglasses on indoors.
I show my emotions, but you can hide your feelings all you want. It will never reward you the same as playing your heart card at the right time and right place. And if you hold steady like Kenny Rogers singing “The Gambler,” then you’ll know that your principles will get you through, and you will win your threesome dream some day. Just keep your principles close too when the good times start. Play on, pardner.
Love,
Adhimu Stewart
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