Ever heard the Hollywood cliché for an actor starting out a scene? They are notorious for wondering or asking: “What’s my motivation? Why am I doing this? What are my values, morals, and objectives? Who am I, and what am I trying to achieve with my words and actions and interactions?”
These are good things to ask oneself when you are doing extracurricular kinky sexy things too. It’s good to ask in normal sexual encounters, but when doing really outré stuff, it’s wise to stop and have that why-am-I-here moment. Why? Because the person you are with might be on a different page. And considering there’s more than one person reading for the part, it’s wise as fuck to find out if you’re all reading the same script, and/or playing in the same movie!
I have a beautiful amazing lover who I cherish with all my heart. We were talking one day recently, and the topic of threesomes came up. And there was a revelation that blew my mind to bits. It made me realize that as much as we have an awesome sexual connection, she and I are not in a place that is stable or safe enough for a threesome or beyond.
She said, “What is your reason for wanting a threesome?” I happily answered, “For us to share a wonderful experience and try some new chemistry experiments, sharing our vibration with someone else, and seeing what we’re like with others in our intimate space…”
I thought my response made perfect sense, but she replied with something peculiar to me. She said, “Oh… I thought you wanted to have a threesome because you didn’t like me as much. I thought it meant that things were falling apart, and that a threesome would be necessary to spice things up, as well as keep you around, since you were more focused on other women…”
I had to pick up my jaw from the floor. I was saddened to a degree, but so relieved that we didn’t find this out after a threesome! We’ve even been to a sex club together and luckily didn’t have a threesome there. Whew!
Now I’m dealing with the revelation that one of my best lovers has a perpendicular perspective to mine on a polyamorous practice as fundamental as threesomes. Oy vay!
So, needless to say, I’ll be having sex with her, and then having sex with someone else maybe on the same day, but not with her… not until she trusts that I’m doing it because I love her, and not only the person I’m sharing her with!
Be careful,
Addi Stewart
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