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How to Find a Threesome in the Polyamory Community

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In our dreams and fantasies, threesomes often “just happen” wherein you are magically at the right place at the right time.

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Once in a while that is how it happens, but more often than not a threesome requires thought, planning, and searching. One place to find a threesome is in the polyamory community.

Here are some ideas to help you find polyamory communities to connect with.

Join niche dating sites for polyamory, threesomes, or group sex.

The most obvious solution is browsing dating and sex sites like CouplesDating.com that cater to folks who aren’t monogamous, who have open relationships and are looking specifically for threesome hookups.

Create a profile that outlines exactly what you want.

If you’re a single guy looking for your first threeway and need an interested couple, say so. If you’re married and the two of you are seeking another man to fulfill your cuckold fantasies, tell it like it is.

Be sure to read profiles carefully before you respond. Don’t waste someone’s time by imposing your needs if they are looking for a different kind of arrangement. For example, you might hope a hot babe will bring her bestie over to your hotel so they can both sit on your face, but she’s looking for a committed, ongoing third party. Don’t ignore what people state in their profiles before you message.

Find polyamorous meetup groups.

You might not be aware of them, but there are definitely polyamory social groups in your community or a nearby town. Poly Chicago, Polyamorous Families of Kansas, and Poly Saskatoon are just a few places you’ll find them.

Such groups are created by and for people who are polyamorous or curious about the poly lifestyle. They are not usually dating groups but social groups that talk about rights, issues, situations, solutions, experiences and challenges. They are common interest or support groups. You will of course meet poly people here, but it’s not a place where it’s appropriate to cruise unless otherwise specified. Some are for swapping and you can look for those too.

Make sure you adhere to the ethics listed or given to you when you reach out to the facilitator.

If you’re totally new to this world, don’t be shy. Maybe you’re just looking for a fun threeway, but if you are into threesomes and moresomes in a deeper way or as a way of life, getting to know what polyamory is all about is probably something well suited to you.

Talk openly about polyamory and threesomes when appropriate if you’re “out” about non-monogamy or sexual adventure.

If everyone from your vet to the nun you work with at the soup kitchen knows you like adventurous non-monogamous sex, bringing it up when it’s appropriate will easily alert others like you to your existence.

This can be tricky. We can be tempted to disclose too much of our sex lives because bragging is fun and shocking people can be fun too, but if that’s the motivation, this path will lead to disaster somewhere along the way.

There’s a fine line between being open about who we are sexually, and keeping our private lives private. For example, I know my co-worker is gay, but I don’t need to know what his kinks are, or when he last received a blowjob.

Make sure you aren’t imposing TMI on others. That said, there are times when it’s appropriate to talk about your sexual identity. If others at a lunch roundtable are talking about their relationship styles, there’s no need for you to lie when you can share. Poly people meet at work and the supermarket, just like other people do.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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