Welcome, grasshopper! So, you’ve convinced some of your friends to cuddle in a sexy dream puddle together, have you? Or you’ve all just been at the right place and time, and the underwear has all come flying off? Or you’ve paid two sex workers for the honor of giving you your very first threesome experience, and you have no idea what to do with the dream that now is throbbing and dripping in your hands this very night?
Well, grasshopper, you have come to the right place to learn how to come in the right place! First, I gotta say: BREATHE. RELAX. SMILE. Because if you don’t learn how to have FUN in a threesome, you are doing every single thing wrong and need to re-evaluate every single thing you are doing here, ha ha.
So yes, take it slow, steady and chill out like a tortoise on the tundra. Don’t be SO cool that you wish you could be anywhere else but here, but be so cool that you don’t need to lie about this being your first threesome.
5 Tips for Your First Threesome
1. Be Prepared to Have Fun
Have an overabundance of safe sex items like condoms, lube, and dental dams on hand. Nothing is more arousal ending than a lack of tools for the job. The basic tools, I mean!
Just have ten or so condoms around if you can. You don’t know if you will only use two or three, but if you happen to have a Round Two or Three, and need Condom #5 and you don’t have it because you were lazy or cheap, you will feel like a fucking FOOL, because threesomes don’t happen often enough to make a rookie mistake like this. And know that it is possible to make condoms fun in a group sex encounter.
2. Discuss Needs and Wants
Unless it’s a specified threesome like some birthday gift for one person in particular, then see who wants what done and what they do NOT want to happen. There’s some fun in things happening spontaneously but to avoid all the troublesome regrets and sadness after special moments like such, please talk enough to the people there to make up the rules.
For example, “Can we videotape this or not?” or ”Can we talk about this with other people or not?” or ”Is this a one-time thing or not?” Questions like these will determine the future trust and comfort of everyone involved. You can either have this discussion the day of or days before.
3. Share
The best threesomes would be 33% all around, and there would be no jealousy because everyone would be happy in seeing the joy being shared by everyone else. Even if there’s someone you are more attracted to, which will probably be the case because that’s just human nature, I say fuck that thought and throw it out of your brain !
Enjoy doing new things with someone you aren’t normally connected to, and take that to a new level. Brand new feelings are what threesomes should really be about if you want to keep it a 100% courageous!
4. Ask for Things, but Respect Boundaries
This is simple, this is basic. This is how it always is, no matter whether with three people or thirty or one. You can ask for new things because you have more things at your disposal, like two mouths and four hands.
So yes, you can ask for a double blowjob in this situation, and you can’t ask for that to happen when you’re only with one person… but if one person says no, then c’est la vie. The other option is they say yes! But you will never know if you don’t ask.
5. Practice Aftercare
This is especially important if the experience was MORE than everything you wanted the threesome to be. Do not jump up and run to the phone to write your IG story that you just had your first threesome, and don’t run to the shower to wash off and spend time alone so you can go over it in your mind.
Stay with the people who helped your dream come true. Lay in that octopus tangle of arms and legs and sweat and hair and bodies for as long as you possibly fucking can. That’s my last piece of grasshopper advice for someone who wants to have a ménage à trois. Enjoy!
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