As far as sexual fantasies go, having two people in bed with you is pretty high up the scale. After all, we have an entire site dedicated to just that very thing—and you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t something that doesn’t tickle your fancy, right?
The thing is, going for a real-life threesome might sound fantastic—and don’t get us wrong, it can be—but the reality is that it can also, unintentionally or otherwise, lead to a complete and total disaster.
So what can you and your partner do to prevent such a thing from happening? This post will hopefully give you some guidance on how to keep things from going south, and what to do if they do.
What to Know before You Have a Threesome
It won’t always be perfect.
A critical mindset to accept before making a threesome fantasy a threesome reality is that there is a huge difference between the two.
Sure, it’s nice to dream that everything will go perfectly with you, your partner, and your new playmate, and that afterwards you’ll all have pancakes and sing Kumbaya, but reality isn’t always that easy breezy.
So while you should be enthusiastic, don’t let that blind you to the risks and major headaches that will no doubt come up.
Expect the unexpected.
Similarly, all the interpersonal work, counseling, taking things slowly and so forth that you might do going in, can’t always prepare you for what might unfold. The truth about human nature is that we’re all, well, human—emotional stuff can come straight out of the left field.
The trick is to accept that things may happen, so that you can create a safe space that you and your partner can use to take a step back, re-evaluate, and heal. With this in place, you will be able to go in knowing that, no matter what, you are safety-blanket ready.
Take blame out of it.
It’s important that you and your partner have a grounded relationship foundation before even considering a group sex encounter. If you don’t, there’s a danger that you could fall into the you-ruined-this-for-us blame game.
If you care about your partner, and you should not even be trying to open up your relationship if you don’t, then respect and honor them if something negative should come up. On the flip side, if you don’t feel safe and supported around your fears and concerns, then postpone any threesome plans.
Remember jealousy is human.
While there are some people who don’t get sexually jealous when their partner is with someone else, others might think they won’t be and then get blindsided when it comes up during a threeway. Human emotions are complex—even when we believe we have a handle on them, they can still surprise us.
If your partner feels jealous, try not to blame them for their emotions or imply that they are wrong. Instead, actively listen to everything they have to say. And conversely, try to say what you mean when you’re feeling jealous as opposed to behaving in a passive aggressive manner.
None of this will be easy but, not doing this is only going to make things worse. So do try to put the work in on establishing communication and trust with all those involved—otherwise, you might want to keep your three-way fantasy just that.
Take a break if you or anyone else needs one.
Someone might feel like things are moving too fast. Because of this, try to work into your relationship the ability—without emotional repercussions—to slow down or pause what’s happening. This can be in the bedroom or even in your active pursuit of another partner. Sometimes people just need to take a moment to re-evaluate things, get their head screwed on straight, or just take a breath.
Opening your relationship should always come from an abundance of affection and desire, not because one or both people in the relationship are looking for something they aren’t already getting.
A foundation that includes clear communication, tolerance, acceptance, and respect gives everyone involved permission to express themselves and act in ways that make them feel safe and supported. And when the bumps do come, they’ll be just that, as opposed to relationship-ending craters.
Are you ready for a threesome?
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