It can be thrilling and terrifying to share your partner with another person. In order to let it happen, you need to completely pull apart your ego.
She’s not having sex with someone else because she finds you boring, or not sexy, or anything like that. She’s doing it because human beings love variety. Monogamy is an insane Christian artifice that should have been stamped out eons ago. The guilt that goes along with it is ridiculous.
Still, the feeling that we have failed, or that something must be broken is not easy to overcome. It’s essentially an act of deprogramming. Truthfully, though, sharing your lover can be a thrill and can recharge your relationship in so many unexpected ways.
It’s a lot like going on a trip to another country, or taking some bizarre drug from the 1960s. Once you do it your world opens up a little, and you’re a different person than you were before. There’s no going back… and no going back is a good thing.
All that ranting aside, it’s important to do a lot of talking beforehand. You both really really need to trust each other or it will get weird. Also, setting boundaries about what might happen, or could happen, would be good to discuss. If one person is feeling unhappy about it, is it fair to expect the other person to stop mid-fuck?
Is this a thing where you’re going to watch, maybe be in the room at the time it happens? Will she go out and report back on her activities later, perhaps send you a dirty text of herself with someone else’s cum on her face? It would be good to decide.
Is this happening for you or for her? Who is getting turned on by the idea and why? It is good to figure out some of this in advance, because after the fact will be a lot more difficult.
I don’t want to dissuade you from sharing your partner. I just want you to do it with your eyes open. Know that it will change your life and relationship, for better or worse.
Another thing to remember is that an open relationship is about talking and sharing your desires and feelings. If you just fucked someone on the down low, that would be more like cheating. Cheating can be titillating too, but it isn’t the same as being in an open relationship. It isn’t technically open if only one person knows it’s open.
Lastly, if you keep nagging your partner to open the relationship (for you or her) and she just doesn’t want to do it or hates the fact that you keep bringing it up, just face it: it won’t happen. Not with her, not ever. people who aren’t into it won’t change their minds. Either leave it alone, or leave her to find what you’re looking for.
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