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How to Enjoy a Threesome where You Don’t Choose Your Third

Swingers Party

I once had a boyfriend who gave me a beautiful gift. He said he would join me in a threesome with any person I wanted, man or woman. It was incredible. I went online and started browsing dating profiles without any of the usual limitations. Some men just won’t participate in an MFM threesome, even with boundaries. And other guys are so picky, it can take months to agree on someone you both want in the bedroom.

But giving your lover the gift of choice isn’t the only reason, you may not be choosing. Maybe it’s someone you and your girlfriend have met at a party. This third wouldn’t be your first choice for a threesome, but maybe it’s your first opportunity for a threesome, and you just want to go with the flow. Or maybe you’re at a sex club where you become the chosen one by two bi babes. Or you might just be in a dom-sub relationship, and you do what you’re told!

Planning works when it comes to threesomes, but every once in a blue moon you’re going to find yourself in a threesome that chose you or that you’re willing to go blind into.

Can you still enjoy a threesome with partners that you didn’t pick? Hell yes!

How to Enjoy a Threesome when You Don’t Choose the Third

See it as an opportunity to expand your horizons.

Most people like control—control of their environment, who they get down and dirty with, what happens with who. But when you relinquish some of that, you get to learn a lot more about yourself through others. By giving into others’ fantasies and choices, you may discover a whole new way to play or a new fetish you didn’t know existed.

Learn from the unique experience.

You may regret giving your lover the reins when it comes to choosing a third, so you won’t do that again. But if you did have a good time, remember what about it was so special. Did you realize that you don’t need to be with a thin woman with tiny feet, but generous curves excite you. Maybe watching another man with your lover was something that gave you an unexpected thrill.

Enjoy every moment, in the moment.

Just like any threesome encounter, it’s easy to get lost in the excitement of it all. If you don’t stay grounded, you can very well wake up the next day thinking it was a dream. When you learn to stay in the moment during sex, the experience is truly imprinted and enjoyed to its fullest. Techniques that can help you are deep breathing, communication, and taking your time.

Embrace your inner porn star.

Think about how sex workers live their professional lives. They don’t get to choose who they’re going to play with in their next film (unless they’re a sexy amateur couple from Phoenix). Pretend you’re an in-demand porn star and this is your next gig—embrace the unknown but know that you have to perform. Of course, don’t reenact what you’ve watched in threesome porn, because that’s not real sex—just have fun with this role-playing fantasy.

Reflect on the positives, and the negatives.

When all is said and done, and you’re all alone or with your partner, look back on your threeway and how it all unfolded. Did you like the spontaneity, the surprise of not choosing a third? Is your lover going to let you pick the next play partner? What practices or positions did you prefer over others? Pillow talk is a great way to connect and plan for future fun dates you want to make.

Would you agree to or join a threesome where you didn’t choose one or both partners?

Tell us what you think!

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