If you’ve ever experienced anxiety about orgasm during a threesome, you know it’s silly to let your worries about pleasure get in the way of pleasure.
But it can be tricky to juggle everyone’s orgasm in a way that makes sense for all three of you. Since everyone has different timing, different arousal patterns, and different spontaneous responses, it’s unrealistic to line things up in a way that everyone explodes at the same time.
You want to be democratic and make sure everyone enjoys themselves. Who should come first? How should it work?
Lighten up, and relax.
This is always my advice—if you’ve taken it, you know how important it is for enjoying sex.
There’s pressure on men to make sure women come first or that they orgasm at all. While it’s important to be generous and prioritize a woman’s pleasure, your hope can be a lot of pressure for us too! We don’t all come easily or fast and sometimes we’d rather avoid the expectation of going first.
Approach things with a sense of playful fun instead of rigorous expectations of orgasm. If someone pops too soon, you can laugh about it instead of feeling sexual frustration or shame. If someone is taking “too long,” you can prolong the session to include her. Just relax.
Ask your partners about orgasm.
Some women require clitoral stimulation with a vibrator. Some need to rub themselves with a helping hand. Some take half an hour of constant stimulation. Alleviate all this stress by simply asking your partners what it takes!
It’s okay to talk openly with your male partners too. What turns him on or makes him uncomfortable? Does he want less stimulation because he comes too fast? Make it easy by talking about it along the way. It’s fine to say: “Show me what makes you come” or “Does this work for you?”
Use Dan Savage’s GGG rule.
Famous sex advice columnist Dan Savage has brought many terms into the popular lexicon, like the iconic GGG.
It stands for Good, Giving, and Game. Be good in bed by being generous and open or game, within your boundaries. Give equal airtime to your partners’ needs and desires.
Indulge regularly in threeways with different orgasm themes.
A really fun way to enjoy threesomes with partners you get together with regularly is to switch up the focus and have different sessions. For example, as a GGG partner, I might indulge my boys during an MMF in taking care of my own orgasm while they watch and come as quickly and as often as they’re going to.
I don’t always want to be fucked by two guys with abject selfishness, but it can be hot sometimes to watch. On other occasions—more often for me—the M in the FFM leaves it to us ladies to bring each other to the max, while he watches and takes care of himself.
You can experiment with a light form of orgasm denial by deciding in advance to avoid orgasm for two, and indulge the lucky name drawn from a hat in multiple orgasms. Or you can “practice” timing it so you all come together—you might have to hook up a few times for naked fun to get the timing right for that!
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