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Is a Threesome a License to Be Unfaithful?

Woman Leaves Man in Bed

Recently, actress Demi Moore published a tell all about her failed marriages to Bruce Willis and Ashton Kutcher, a man fifteen years younger. She revealed that they had explored threesomes, and after that, Ashton allegedly used those as an excuse for infidelity, claiming they had expanded their sexual boundaries by inviting a third person into bed.

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I could care less about the private lives of celebrities, but the snippet I read in a magazine at the pedicure salon reminded me of a talk I’d had with one of my boy besties. He confided that after convincing his girlfriend to have a few FFM threeways, he was shocked to find out she was sleeping with a woman behind his back. She claimed it was only natural, and that she thought it was okay, since he wanted so badly for her to get naked with another chick.

A threesome isn’t permission to sleep around.

A threesome involves three. Having a sexual experience where you and your partner invite a third party into bed is an experience you are sharing. It isn’t about forming your own relationship with the third party, or others. The implied consent given to sleep with someone else is solely for the shared threeway, for the occasion determined by both partners and the third party.

For a couple, having a threesome is still about the sex between them.

It may involve three people, but it’s still about the sex and intimacy of the couple, not about you (or your girlfriend’s) solely selfish gratification. And when something is by definition about “us” it’s not about me seeing this as permission or an opportunity to cross boundaries.

If either of you or both of you want to sleep with other people outside of a shared experience, talk about polyamory.

There is no excuse for making a commitment to someone and not keeping it. “Well, we had a threesome,” is not an excuse, not a reason, and not a license for infidelity. If you want to sleep with other women, or she wants to play with more partners without you present, talk about polyamory. Having an understanding between you that meets both of your sexual needs can save a relationship and prevent bitterness and breaking up.

Don’t have a threesome if your relationship is uncertain.

Threesomes are super hot with hookups you barely know, and they are amazing with trusted lovers that share a deep bond. But if you’re in a relationship that is uncertain or unstable, a threesome isn’t the right way to go about fixing trust or sexual boredom or other areas where you aren’t sure about your direction together. Wait until you’ve resolved those things, and don’t expect a threesome to fix or help things that are broken.

Do you have an experience with threesomes and cheating? Please share in the comments!

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