Just the Tips

Could You Be In an MMF Relationship?

Flirting Couples at a Party

My friend Wade started dating a woman he met for a threesome with her primary partner. She is polyamorous, but Wade was “there for the spit roast.” He’s adventurous in bed but isn’t poly. In other words, he was up for threesome sex, but wasn’t expecting to start dating or develop feelings for a woman who is in a committed relationship with another man.

Sharing her is hot, but is it something he can adjust to for the long haul? Is he willing to be the other man? Is he willing to see it differently, and make the leap from social conditioning to the world of polyamory like so many have?

In some Female-led relationships the woman has multiple male lovers, and MMF threesomes that carry over outside of the bedroom are becoming more common as historic social changes are reflected in sexuality. Just like it did for Wade, the topic might arise even when you weren’t looking for it. He fell for a woman he had hooked up with as a third. What would you do?

MMF Relationships: What to Consider

Question your visceral response to MMF relationships.

Chances are, your idea of monogamy, or FFM relationship patterns, or three-for-sex-only expectations were not carefully chosen and thought through. They are simply what you are used to, or what society or your sex drive led you to believe. And that’s fine, but understanding that might lead to a realization that you can shift gears.

Who says you can’t be happy loving a woman with another boyfriend. If you enjoy MMF threesomes, who says you can’t enjoy that in an ongoing arrangement instead of just casually.

Understand that love and sex are always risky.

You might wonder how to navigate the new waters of an MMF relationship, how to tell your friends, or how to cope with jealousy in a polyamorous relationship. But every new dalliance or relationship has risks and questions.

Find out what is expected of you, and what you will gain.

Three-way relationships, female-led relationships, and polyamorous relationships are not one size fits all. They are as varied as the people who form them. You will want to ask questions and find out what is expected or desired instead of making assumptions.

  • Are both men equal, or is the first relationship primary?
  • Is the role of the third largely sexual?
  • Will the threesomes be frequent, or will sex be mostly between her and him, and you and her?
  • Will you have a sexual or love relationship with the other man, or simply one of mutual respect as her partners?
  • Who will live where?
  • Can you date other women or other couples? Do they date other people?
  • How will safe sex work?

Remember that sex is sex.

I tend to encourage people to take risks and not be defined but what they once felt to be true—take chances, open your mind, and say why not. But jumping into a new you won’t necessarily stick when the initial sex high wears off.

Polyamory is a great choice for many people, including me. But maybe not for you. Or maybe you don’t want to be the third. Maybe you’ll be bored after watching him fuck her a handful of times.

An MMF relationship can be very fulfilling. Entering polyamory might mean finding yourself after all. But it might not. Consider how much of what you are feeling is “just sex.” If the high comes down a bit, will all of this still seem like a good idea?

That’s a great place to start.

Learn more about the the MMF relationship in this article from Polyamory Today: MMF Relationships: Benefits and Challenges.

Have you been in an MMF relationship? Would you consider it? Please share in the comments!

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