5 Things to Talk about Before a Threesome

Great communication is essential for great sex. Being able to express questions and concerns, and address needs and desires is an important factor in rewarding dating, whether someone is looking for a lifelong match or a unicorn for the weekend.

We all dream of the spontaneous threeway, the one where a gorgeous couple starts sending martinis to your table, then propositioning you to go home with them. It happens, but rarely—a much better bet is online dating to find like-minded lovers. Either way, communication is key for an amazing outcome.

Here are a few issues you’ll want to bring up with your threesome lovers before you get naked.

5 Things to Talk about Before a Threesome

1. Where to Play

It seems obvious—you’ll need a safe space to play.

Once I had a threeway planned with two college hotties. They assumed they were coming to my house, but I didn’t know them well enough to want to share my address. I thought I would be heading to their dorm, since we were in the college pub. But there were roommates. Neither of the guys wanted to spring for a hotel, so we made out on a swing set, and then I hailed a cab, solo.

A first-time threesome works really well in a hotel, so no one has to worry about their dogs, kids, or home address. But whatever you decide, you’ll want to decide ahead of time to avoid such an unlucky cancel.

2. Safe Sex

Show your partners you care about them, and respect yourself, by being the first to bring up safe sex. Find out what that means to both of your lovers. Bring plenty of condoms and lube. Remember that even oral sex can transmit HPV and other infections. Talk about each person’s concerns and precautions to best protect everyone.

3. Contraception

If there is a woman in your threesome, this is an important topic. Proper condom use is enough for some women to be comfortable and secure, and other women are on the Pill. But don’t assume anything—the last thing you want is a surprise phone call somewhere down the line.

4. Your Fantasies

It’s a good idea to understand what each person is expecting from the threesome, and what kind of fantasies have led them there. That way, you can be better lovers to each other and make sure you are maximizing pleasure and fulfilling expectations.

You can see what’s a good fit in advance, and what isn’t, and where things can be compromised. For example, if one woman is extremely kinky and wants to be tied up and ravaged, but the other two of you are not into BDSM, you’ll need to iron out the best ways to play to make everyone happy.

5. Boundaries

One thing people argue about AFTER a threesome is boundaries that were breached. How were you supposed to know your girlfriend didn’t want you to actually fuck her best friend, when they both came on to you? Or maybe you didn’t want to have too much guy-on-guy in an MFM, but she was hoping for an eyeful. Talk out your limits beforehand so you know where everyone stands.

What subject is at the top of your list to discuss before a threesome? Please share in the comments!