Threesome Advice from a Pro

Your threesome won’t be like a porn movie. There won’t be a Vaseline haze around the edge of the camera, and there won’t be soft ’70s jazz playing… unless you awkwardly get up and put on the LP yourself and place the lube beside the bed in advance.

Seriously, though, real life is always more awkward than porn. It’s hard enough to do it with one person for the first time. With two extra people there are bound to be twice as many crossed wires. It doesn’t have to be perfect and choreographed.

Focus on having fun. Don’t be afraid to giggle, laugh, and let yourself go. Threesomes are a taboo that society still thinks of as something a little shameful. This is reason enough to enjoy the fact that you’re scandalizing millions of prudes and religious weirdos. Your laughter is a cry to the universe—fuck your straight and narrow path, man.

Keep an open mind. This is your chance to push your limits a little bit. Feel like it would be interesting to grab another guy’s dick while it’s hard? It’s a chance to see if it feels different from your own. Some other guy wants to grab your dick? Let go!

State your boundaries clearly. Don’t be a downer about it, but if you really feel uncomfortable, say so. This is especially true if you’re having a threesome with a partner involved. Talk about boundaries before and check in after because it’s better than losing a relationship over some bullshit.

Expect things to get messy. You might get someone else’s cum on you, and you’ll know in the moment how hot you find that. The first time I ever had a threesome with my ex-girlfriend and another guy, I was surprised by how different his cum smelled. I think he was a vegetarian, so that’s why it probably smelled so wimpy.

Discuss confidentiality. Determine whether your threesome is going to be kept on the down low or not. There are three stakeholders involved, and sometimes it’s nice to have a little fun on the side without it meaning your whole career and family life is over. If you know in advance that someone is a big talker, you might want to pass on them when choosing play pals.

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