By far, the most challenging thing about getting into a threeway is finding a living, breathing, consenting, and excited-by-the prospect third person.
Some go online to find their thirds, looking at niche dating sites for kinky folks like BDSMdate.com or CouplesDating.com, and even mainstream sites. Others, meanwhile, get themselves out there to various events and clubs.
Then there are folks who look much closer to home, considering and sometimes actually asking a friend to be their third. While there can be benefits to asking friends to join you and your significant in some three-way fun, there are also nasty risks to consider.
Pros and Cons for Threesomes with Friends
3 Pros of Sex with Friends
1. You Know Each Other
A nifty bonus of inviting a friend into your bedroom is that you all know each other. This familiarity eliminates a lot of the stress often found in negotiating expectations and boundaries, as well as the usual series of non-sexual dates on the way to the big event.
Friends know you and your partner quite well, upping the comfort level among everyone involved.
2. You Feel Safer
You have experiences in common, meaning that you might already have an idea of how they might react to fun times with you, or how they might behave if things don’t go so well.
Before asking your friend, consider these questions: Do they have a jealousy streak? Do they like to be sexually adventurous? Do they quickly get irritated? Are they excellent at communication?
It’s so much easier to observe and learn about a friend. A stranger? Not so much.
3. You Can Negotiate with Ease
If your potential third is someone you and your partner know well, it can make working out the details of sex together and what might happen if things go belly up much smoother.
Sure, you still need to do it, but at least you won’t be starting from scratch with someone you barely even know.
3 Cons of Sex with Friends
1. You Could Lose Your Friendship
If threesome sex with a friend goes bad, it can go real bad. This is more than likely why so many people don’t seriously consider a friend. It’s fun to think about and discuss with your primary the possibilities of who would be a great third or play it out in your mind, but the risk is huge.
If it goes very very bad, there’s the possibility that these fallout feelings could spread to friends of friends who you might have in common and cause a ripple of rifts in your community.
For while inviting a friend means not having to negotiate with a stranger, you never know with absolute certainty how a friend might react not only to an invitation to a threeway, but also during the act itself.
2. You Face the Potential for Jealousy
Having someone you both know could also lead to more awkward situations, such as the friend being more attracted and connected to one partner over the other. This might be a touch alarmist, but there’s still the chance to consider that this friend might prefer you over your partner or vice versa.
A warning sign, if you do choose the friend route, might be if the friend being considered is more a friend of yours or your partner’s—a dynamic that can skew the emotions of everyone involved.
3. You Might Feel Like the Third Wheel
Even if things go great the first or second time, that doesn’t remove the possibility that someone is going to feel left out in the future, especially if your three-way play becomes a regular thing.
While you can’t anticipate everything that might happen—which is what life is all about—you and your partner can talk about it with your friend. You don’t necessarily need to draw lines in the sand, but be vocal about the possibility before any bedroom fun begins.
You can all take a step back now and again to re-evaluate how everyone is feeling. If friction is popping up, there are counselors, therapists, polyamory support groups, as well as books on the subject that you all might consider looking into.
There are pluses and minuses to asking a friend to be your third, but as with all things it comes down to weighing not just the pros and cons, but how well you know and understand the emotions of everyone involved.
By keeping honest and respectful lines of communication open, even the roughest of rough patches can usually be navigated.
What do you think about threesomes with friends? Good or bad idea?
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