Just the Tips

Threesomes Gone Wrong: How to Deal

Frustrated Husband in Bed with Wife Ignoring Him

Three-way sex is one of the most common fantasies, for men and women. But “threesome disasters” is a fairly popular conversation topic! Lots of lovers are turned off of threesomes because their experience wasn’t remotely like their fantasy. Things just didn’t jive in real time the way it did in their imagination.

Fallouts are often emotional—jealousies arise, or a couple can’t agree on who they like, or a man who wanted to watch his wife taking a pounding couldn’t cope with it when it happened. Sometimes a woman feels used. Sometimes a guy is embarrassed because he can’t get it up, despite having a rock-hard erection for four years solid waiting for this very moment!

How to Deal with Threesome Fallout

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Try to be realistic in your expectations and understanding of your partners. Human beings aren’t machines. Don’t take something personally, and try to be accepting of your lovers’ feelings even if you don’t see things the same way.

See bad sex in a positive light by reflecting and learning from the mistakes of others and yourself.

Remember that sex is sex.

If you’re dealing with weird emotions after watching your girlfriend go to town on the other woman, feeling left out, or having some confusion that is hard to define, bring yourself back to the obvious reality—sex is sex. Yes, you thought that was the whole point, you were dying to see her naked with another woman. And now you feel strange.

Sometimes just a reminder that sex is unpredictable and volatile is all you need. It’s sex—nothing more, nothing less.

Work it out, and work at it.

Sex takes practice. There’s a reason why first-time sex with a new partner is awkward and full of mishaps. Curiosity and novelty and chemistry might mean it’s memorable anyways, but most people report that the sex gets a lot better after the first few attempts. First-time sex rarely matches what you see in your mind or fantasize about.

So if things were clumsy, embarrassing, and generally weird in your ménage à trois, don’t throw in the towel. Talk to your partners, and suggest a few trial runs. Focus on fun and pleasure, not on heavy or serious stuff.

Apologize or fix it.

If the threesome went south because you were inconsiderate, selfish, greedy, or too horny to stop and think about how your partners were feeling, instead of carrying this burden around, man up and own your shit. A simple acknowledgement can go a long way to fixing a lover’s bad feelings, and it can even be a ticket back into wonderland, depending on what we’re talking about.

Don’t retaliate or carry a grudge.

If the threesome disaster wasn’t your doing, but you were used or played, forgetting about it is the best way to move on in a hurry. If it wasn’t something malicious and just clumsy or some confusion from one of your partners, tell him or her to not sweat it, and let it go. If it was something manipulative or negative, the quicker you can come to terms with it, the better. Don’t stalk, harass or try to destroy a reputation. Move on and find great sex with positive people.

Have you had a threesome go sideways? We’d love to hear about it in the comments!

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