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Unequal Attraction in Threesomes

Couple Bonding

So you put a profile on a dating site looking for sexy threesomes with couples. You’ve had some responses, but you aren’t sure how to proceed because you aren’t equally attracted to both parties who are looking for a third.

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What should you do?

Assembling three for a steamy adventure can be challenging. If you search out two women you find hot, they may not be attracted to each other! If you put out your profile looking for a couple, one half of the couple might think you’re the perfect man to watch his wife climb on top of, but she says, “Sorry, you’re not my type.” Other times, it’s you who finds half the team dynamite and the other ho hum.

I’m going to tell you what you already know is true: there are only two ways this situation can go.

One, you forego the threesome. Or two, you play anyway.

Sexual chemistry is a curious thing. You can describe your type and have a dozen members message who fit your criteria, and yet that zing thing is absent between you and every one of them. Conversely, you can suddenly find yourself totally fixated on a woman who is nothing like what you usually go for.

My friend Amy, a six-foot, size sixteen blonde, has only ever dated stocky Caucasian football types since high school. But last weekend, she married a Japanese guy she met online! She wasn’t expecting the chemistry, or to fall in love, when she agreed to one date.

Most of us are quite certain about our attraction to another person—or not—right off the bat. But if you thought about it, you’ve probably also experienced a slower burn, one that crept up on you. Maybe you suddenly found yourself with a hard-hon for your buddy’s wife, after years of backyard BBQs together and nothing crossing your mind besides flipping the burgers.

Some of us are more flexible and fluid than others when it comes to desire. I definitely have that hard-hitting lust at first sight sometimes, and it’s thrilling. But I find so much pleasure in expanding my horizons. Every kind of body—male, female, small, large, young old—is made to give and receive pleasure. I keep this in mind when hooking up with couples or new partners, because there are so many kinds of pleasure and I don’t want to miss out on!

That’s a very personal decision to make. For myself, I really like to explore. The erotic unfolds in unexpected ways. Recognizing that it’s not a contest—NO ONE is equally attracted to all others—we can be free of our own lust hierarchy or outwit it  just by going with the flow!

On the other hand, it’s also understandable that if someone is a real turn off for whatever reason, we can choose not to sleep with them. In this case, that does mean turning down a chance to get dirty with three, and that’s a sad thing! But we can and do choose to reject sexual experiences with potential lovers all the time.  The body’s reasons aren’t always rational, so you don’t need to analyze it to death.

There will always be other opportunities waiting.

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