Q & A

Q&A: What You Can Learn from a Threesome Gone Wrong

Threesome on Couch

Lucy is a regular threesome participant. But she’s still finding her way around. She was kind enough to have a chat about what could send a threesome spiralling into Nowhere Land.

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Noah: What went wrong?
Lucy: This time or the time before? I just had two bad experiences in a row.

N: Are you saying threesomes are hard to orchestrate?
L: Not necessarily. If you play with the same people all the time, it’s more of a sure thing.

N: If you can get them all together in the same place on the same day, you mean!
L: Exactly!

N: What happened?
L: I made a pass at a couple I’m friends with.

N: “Thou shalt not cross the line with friends!”
L: I know, I know, I never hook up with friends. But I swear, I thought they were giving me signals. Him, at least. Now I’m stuck in a situation where everything is awkward, no one can look each other in the eye.

N: And the other time?
L: Jealousy.

N: Newbies?
L: I met them online, which I sometimes do, when I can’t get the regulars together. He was okay, but as soon as he started paying extra attention to me she got jealous.

N: Was she taking part at all?
L: At first. She was all into it when we were doubled up on her. Then he started on me. She couldn’t take it. She didn’t seem to understand that there’s always a person “helping out.” She just sat there, waiting for her turn. Then she started telling him what he could and couldn’t do to me.

N: Did they not have a discussion beforehand?
L: Who knows. We only talked for bit when I got there, but they seemed pretty geared up. Clearly this was a fantasy—probably his—they’d had for a while. But they didn’t think it through. You have to talk about what you’re going to do. Everyone needs something to do, even if it’s just holding someone’s wrists down. For goodness sake even watching is something to do.

N: Do you think there are some people who are innately jealous?
L: Maybe. But I also think jealousy can rear its head unexpectedly. You have the threesome fantasy but it’s not until you’re in the moment that you discover it’s not for you—whether because you’re jealous or you find it weird, or maybe it’s just nerves. Sometimes you have to experience it before you can discover how it will make you feel. Especially if you’re new. I think this couple should stay away from group sex because it seemed pretty obvious that he liked it but she didn’t. I’m sure I left them with plenty to talk about.

N: How did you know she was jealous?
L: It was SO awkward. She wouldn’t talk to me, at all! She whispered to him whenever she wanted him to stop. Or she used obvious sign language. She treated me like a body with no brain.

N: Did you guys go all the way?
L: I pretended to cum. They seemed to think that was enough and sent me on my way.

N: And you learned what from this experience?
L: To investigate more beforehand. Find out exactly what the fantasy is, and come right out and ask about jealousy in certain scenarios. For the newbies anyway.

N: And don’t hook up with friends!
L: Don’t even make a move on a friend!

N: How will you handle the awkwardness around the couple you’re friends with?
L: If they’re good friends—and I hope they are—I’ll be honest about my sex life, just to give them a context. Then I’ll apologize until I turn blue!

Go Team Go!

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