Facts & Info

What’s So Sexy about Bondage Play?

Woman in Handcuffs

The “bondage” part of BDSM is an extremely common and widespread part of sex play and fantasies the world over. Here are some reasons why it has such broad appeal for couples and threesomes.

What Makes Bondage Sexy

Anticipation

One of the most erotic aspects of sex is anticipation, which amps up arousal. For women, this is often very intense and can be deeper for some than the actual touching. Our minds are very powerful and our brains are the most important sex organ!

When you are tied up and down, you cannot drive the exchange of pleasure or control when touch takes place or how. The anticipation amps up the whole experience in a major way.

Attention

Although the bound lover may not be able to act or move, he or she is often the center of attention. The immobile party can bask in attention from the other lovers in the threesome. All of the focus is on them for a while.

Re-enactment

For some people, bondage is a way of consensually confronting past traumas of non-consensual bondage or abuse. Re-enacting a loss of control, while controlling it through consent, brings pleasure instead of pain, empowering the victim to enjoy sex on his or her own terms.

Taboo

Anything forbidden, naughty, or dangerous has an erotic thrall for most of us. It is exciting to play in unfamiliar ways or flirt with danger.

Exercising or Relinquishing Control

Power dynamics are a big aspect of sex. Bondage can mean exercising that power over another person or people, or relinquishing that control to our lovers. A threesome can be a great opportunity to take turns and experiment with dominance and submission.

It’s Natural

Some element of bondage is normal and natural to sex in general, not just kinky sex. Themes that resurface in romance, cinema, poetry, and the animal kingdom alike are things like being ravaged, holding back, and being pinned down. You don’t have to be into fetishes and kink to enjoy mild bondage. It’s a natural part of most sex some of the time.

Pain as Pleasure

BDSM is often about various levels of pain, from mild to extreme, and kinky lovers who experience pain at the same time as pleasure feel that their senses are intensified. Bondage can be painful, either psychologically or literally.

Mindfulness

If you’ve ever done mindfulness practice as part of therapy, stress relief, or meditation, you know how a few simple techniques of grounding yourself and taking notice of what’s around you can make you acutely aware, calm, and focused.

Bondage can be sexually powerful because it is very much like mindfulness training in a sexual sense. When distractions, decisions, and responsibilities are temporarily eliminated, the bound person can really let go and notice every sensation, be fully aware.

In a threesome, there can be so much going on that it feels frenzied or fast. Bondage is one way to slow things down and really feel them unfolding.

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