Just the Tips

What to Do when Your Kinks Are Taboo

Young Sexy Nun in Garters

Many men and woman who enjoy group sex also enjoy BDSM and kink. The mainstreaming of kink has brought countless benefits to people from all walks of life—people having better sex, more sex, and not being afraid to ask for and find what they want.

Some of the marginalization of alternative sexualities has been drastically reduced. It’s no longer considered freaky or immoral in wider circles to be bisexual, polyamorous, dominant or submissive.

But if red rubber, pony play, and fifty shades of BDSM are all the rage at every happy hour or church picnic, there are still plenty of kinks and fetishes that still make you—and society—uncomfortable.

How do you cope when your thing is politically incorrect, dark, violent, frowned upon, or viewed as disgusting?

How to Cope when Your Kinks Are Taboo

Remember, your desire doesn’t reflect real life.

Or does it? It doesn’t hurt to take stock of how you treat people and how you look at various demographics of society. If you find room for improvement, great. But you’ll probably find that whatever your kink is, sex is not everyday reality.

Maybe you like to dominate women, but see that in daily life you are actually quite subordinate to women and would never even harm a fly. Maybe you have a thing for piss or other fluids, but you’re a clean freak the rest of the time.

You choose when to act.

Just because certain things give you a thrill, it doesn’t mean you are powerless and destined to act compulsively. You may think about screaming at or pushing rude people at the mall, but you don’t do it—you choose when and how to re-enact or live out your fantasies.

Your fantasies are ritual theater, a way of playing things out in your imagination.

I knew a guy who had been badly tortured in his home country, and he had extreme revenge fantasies of a sexual nature. Many women cope with childhood trauma through rape fantasies—“consenting” to rape rescues the child and gives her the power she didn’t have. Our darker side often reflects what has already happened, not what will happen. It’s how we process, cope, reclaim.

Trends in sexual morality come and go.

Once upon a time, adultery, cuckolding and hotwifing, threesomes and orgies, even dreaming of someone other than your spouse, was the grave sin of sins. People who have a “thing” for a specific ethnic category are often seen as  pariahs, and will keep their preference to themselves by browsing porn categories such as “Latina,” “Asian,” “Big Black Cock,” “Ebony,” and more.

Today, if a man wants to degrade himself for a woman, get sissified or be her slave, it’s acceptable. But if a woman is submissive to a man, she is sexist, despite women’s romantic literature on the topic selling by the tens of millions. Don’t pay too much attention to what everyone else says is okay this year.

Sex is about exploring power dynamics.

If fetishizing someone’s culture or internalizing oppression turns you on but makes you uncomfortable, take some relief in knowing that sex is about exploring power dynamics.

Women role play crawling onto Daddy’s knee. Men want to be slaves to women. She wants to be taken by a professor or cop. He wants Mummy to change his adult diaper. Some of these taboo fantasies will lose their allure after playing them out, giving way to different experiences. You can also come to terms with your kinks by recognizing that everyone has skeletons in their dungeons.

Are you will to share your taboo kinks or fantasies?

Tell us what you think!

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