Just the Tips

Contacting Past Lovers for Hookups

Woman Reading Phone in Bed

You’re lonely, single, and horny. Or you’re in an open relationship, looking for a third. You start thinking about all the women you’ve slept with, girlfriends to one-night stands, wondering if one of them might be up for a hookup.

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We’ve all been there, men and women. Even when we reach out and ask how things are with an old flame, we often subconsciously think what the chances are of a reboot.

When it comes to men I’ve been with, I have a saying: They all come back. And I’m not tooting my horn or anything. I’d rather most of them stay in the past where I left them… or they left me. There’s nothing worse than being dumped by a guy who years later, texts you to see what’s up (if you want to hook up). These guys don’t get a response.

So, is it always wrong to attempt traveling back in time? No, not always. But yes, almost always.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself before you have one too many drinks and pick up the phone…

What was the context of your relationship? Did you go out for two years, or did you just meet at your local and go home and fuck? The shorter and less meaningful your relationship, the better chance you have because there won’t be as many feelings involved. Most women don’t want to revisit the past if love was part of it.

How did things end? If you ended things, or worse broke her heart, stay away. Thinking you can go back for seconds after you walked away is just shitty narcissistic behavior. Something that ended with what I call a mutual drift is your best bet. Also, she may be into hooking up with you, but with you and another woman is less likely.

How long has it been since you had contact? This one’s important. I have an ex who I haven’t seen since our four-month affair over ten years ago (he treated me badly by the bye. He sends out a smoke signal once a year, looking for a response. Guys, if she wanted to get in touch with you, she would have after this amount of time. You want there to have been some time in between, but not this much.

How was the sex? Maybe you’ve sugar coated your memory of how good the sex was, or you’re just desperate, but know that there are plenty of new experiences out there waiting to be discovered. If you had explosive chemistry, it was a short-term connection, and it hasn’t been too long since you’ve seen each other, you might get lucky.

When I think of all the men who try to come back for more, I get angry. I think it’s lazy and presumptuous to call on an ex for sex. Join a dating site specifically for couples if that’s your situation, put the effort into creating an awesome dating profile, and browse with intention before sending a first message that stands out from the shitty one liners or form letters most guys send.

If you have a positive experience hooking up with an ex, please share in the comments!

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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