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What to Do when Your Sex Tape Is Leaked

Sexy Brunette on Laptop

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton has recently spoken out about the devastating effects of the leaked sex tape on her life, reputation, and mental health. Her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon sold the private tape, One Night in Paris, to a porn company in 2004, violating her trust, privacy, and sexuality.

Making a porn tape can be an incredibly exciting part of sex, including threesomes, but it always carries a risk that the personal moment can leak out.

The leak could be accidental: an ex tosses her old phone into the trash, and someone else finds it, for example. Sometimes an upload meant for a lover gets sent to a mate with a terrible sense of humor. The leak can also be purposeful, when a lover is jealous, angry, or just plain vicious.

If your sex tape leaked out to the wrong people, here’s how to cope.

Leaked Sex Tape? How to Deal

Prevent This before It Happens

Do everything in your power to make sure a sex tape leak doesn’t happen. Many go as far as to say never to filming their own porn. Others only venture into porn-star mode with lovers they trust, and some wear a mask or disguise.

Other preventative measures include limiting access to the hot stuff—no Cloud, no shared computers. Resist the temptation to show off by sending a buddy the proof of your wild threeway.

Read: Should You Make a Sex Tape of Your Threesome?

Don’t Retaliate

You may be understandably tempted to retaliate, perhaps by sending the sex tape to the leaker’s mom or boss. It’s normal to feel butthurt and plot out a childish revenge, but don’t act on it. It will only make things worse, and it turn you from innocent victim of a leaked sex tape to guilty party.

Read: Recording a Threesome: Privacy Protocols

Don’t Apologize if You Have Nothing to Hide

A sex tape can be devastating if it is evidence of you cheating or if it reveals a kink or a relationship you wanted to remain private.

But if this was beyond your control, YOUR privacy was violated. Find your courage and tell your loved ones, employees, parents, or whoever was unfortunately subject to your personal life the truth, but keep it short and simple.

“I wish you had not been exposed to my private life in this way that has violated both of us. My sexual preferences and practices are a personal matter. These were private occasions made public by accident by an untrustworthy partner. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I will not let shame and judgement compound the betrayal.”

Don’t Play the Victim

You don’t need to apologize for your sex life, but don’t play the victim either. Even if you are. It’s fine to acknowledge that this was a crime or violation, but don’t make it into a larger issue and bring more publicity or attention than necessary.

Do not point constantly to the perpetrator(s) of the sex tape leak or place endless blame on the person who did it if it was an accident. If the situation was criminal, the correct place to deal is with the law, not by bellyaching to friends, family, lovers, and the press. The best way to make things blow over faster is to minimize them and move on.

Seek Professional Support for the Fallout

If your marriage, family, or job was affected by the leaked sex tape, don’t hesitate to get expert support to help you repair or contend with the damage.

Living Well Is the Best Revenge

Remember, there are literally millions of sex tapes leaked out there. Millions of threesomes on video, plus much more. Yours is a ripple now, but no one will care when the next little scandal comes to town. Take the high road, act nobly, and move on.

Do you have experience with a leaked sex tape? Please share in the comments!

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